2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
The amazing true story of the worst person at BuzzFeed
This is Benny Johnson
He’s super good at tweeting!
(Again, via FeedBuzz.)
Here’s what he made himself for dinner on Martin Luther King Day
(Once more, via FeedBuzz. It’s almost as if this post relies heavily on aggregation already performed by others!)
Benny works for a website called Buzzfeed
Buzzfeed refined a style of web writing that at this point is scarcely web “writing.” It is a sort of one-page scrolling picture book with some bits that move. Buzzfeed uses this form primarily to create harmless diversions, but also sometimes to “report” news!
This tone or style is effectively the logical end point of the faux-casual “blog” voice and I deeply regret my small part in its spread
Some of the people who produce these things at Buzzfeed make picture-stories you could describe as funny, or even witty
Some of them just copy and paste content from elsewhere, like a message board called Reddit, or IMDB. This used to be called plagiarism!
Is it still plagiarism when no one at either end of the act is using their grown-up words anymore?
I don’t know! YOLO!!
Back to Benny. He used to work for a website called The Blaze
The Blaze was started by a guy named Glenn Beck
Glenn Beck is a “demagogue,” which is kind of like a “Doge” except intensely nationalistic and designed to foment an in-group’s hatred for and paranoid fear of various out-groups.
Then Benny went to work for BuzzFeed
because they wanted to hire some conservatives [UPDATE: Benny went to work for BuzzFeed because "Benny is a great native talent of the social web with politics in his blood" who will "make the sort of smart, entertaining, and compelling political content people want to share." I regret the error.]
In July 2013, Johnson “wrote” a Buzzfeed post headlined “The Story of Egypt’s Revolution in ‘Jurassic Park’ Gifs.” And that’s exactly what it was.
Basically every decent person agreed that this had crossed some kind of line. It was not cute anymore!
The critics said: “The deaths of hundreds of Egyptians—including more than 40 allegedly peaceful protestors who were shot just yesterday—metaphorically reenacted via computer-generated dinosaur maulings.” Ouch!
At this point his bosses were probably like
But then they saw the traffic and they were like
And Johnson was like
But I bet many of the people who work with Johnson, most of whom aren’t moral cretins, are like
Benny also once wrote a thing about how Cory Booker had an innocuous exchange with a sex worker on Twitter. It wasn’t as vile as the Egypt post but it was equally contemptuous of the reader/viewer/clicker, relying heavily on childish innuendo, salacious nude photos, and the unsupported implication of some sort of impropriety on Booker’s part. Everyone who read it was like
“Ronald Reagan was the presidential master of YOLO.” — an adult with a prestigious job in journalism
Alex Pareene writes about politics for Salon and is the author of "The Rude Guide to Mitt." Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org and follow him on Twitter @pareeneMore Alex Pareene.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.