My dream TV show, Part 2

Mark Cuban, James Frey, Meghan Daum, Rich Cohen, Heather Havrilesky, Aaron Shure and Greg Gutfeld tell us what they want to watch.

Editor's note: This is the second half of a two-part series. Part 1 has ideas from John Darnielle, Phil Rosenthal, Jill Soloway, Greg Gutfeld and Mike Albo.

Read more: Arts & Entertainment, Arts & Entertainment Features

Aug. 25, 2006 | Meghan Daum is a columnist at the Los Angeles Times and the author of the novel "The Quality of Life Report" and the essay collection "My Misspent Youth."

"A Ferret Story"

Announcer: John and Cindy Willoughby are getting ready for some big changes. In just a few weeks, they will welcome a new ferret into their already busy household. Though having a ferret of their own is something they've always dreamed of, the timing just never seemed right. But as soon they decided to take the plunge, there was no turning back.

Cindy: [on confession cam] I called John up at work and said, "It's time. I can't go another day without one." And he knew exactly what I was talking about.

Announcer: When John and Cindy met on a blind date nearly five years ago, they knew they had a lot in common.

John: I was really into laser tag at the time and when she said, "No way, I'm into laser tag, too," I was like, "No way!" It's hard to find a woman who likes laser tag.

Cindy: He was handsome, with the most beautiful mustache that was so well groomed. I liked that he was athletic. He played laser tag and table hockey. Also darts.

Announcer: But there was something else the couple shared: a mutual desire for a ferret.

Cindy: All my life I've always known I wanted to have a ferret. It was a very strong urge. Without one, I knew I would never feel complete.

John: I love ferrets. I grew up around a lot of ferrets. I love my friends' ferrets. I knew it was something I wanted for myself someday.

Interior, Willoughby living room: John assembles plastic flower samples into a briefcase.

Announcer: With John spending lots of time on the road as an artificial flower salesman and Cindy studying to become a certified Pilates instructor for the deaf, there isn't much room in the schedule for the demands of a young ferret. They know they'll have to make some changes.

John: Changing the newspaper in its cage. Keeping it away from electrical cords. It's gonna be tough. In the permanent botanical industry, there's no such thing as 9 to 5. I may have to cut down on the table hockey. But it'll be worth it. And Cindy's a real trouper.

Interior, Willoughby living room, Cindy's shower.

Announcer: Today, Cindy's friends and family are gathering in the couple's home to celebrate the upcoming arrival. They've brought gifts, well wishes, and even a game or two.

Cindy's friend [addressing crowd] So this is a game where you take a piece of ribbon, like so, and you guestimate how long the ferret's front teeth will be when he -- or she -- is fully grown. Don't be polite, ladies, we're here to win!

Cindy's mom [on confession cam] Of course, I'm thrilled for her. Also nervous. You worry when it's your daughter. But she's wanted this for so long. As a little girl, she used to take squirrels from the yard and push them around in her doll buggy. So it's nice to see a dream finally come true.

Interior, Willoughby living room. Covered with bows and ribbons, Cindy unwraps a rubber chew toy. The women let out a collective "aaaw." Cindy wipes away tears.

Title Card: 1:54 p.m., Aug. 5.

Exterior, Willoughby driveway. The family loads up the minivan.

Announcer: The big day has finally arrived. Now that their home has been prepared for the new family member, John and Cindy, along with Cindy's mother, sister and grandmother, head out to pick up their bundle of joy.

Interior/Exterior, World of Pets.

Pet store owner: So are you ready to meet the little guy?

Cindy: Are you saying it's a boy?

Pet store owner: Oops, gave it away!

Cindy: Oh my god!

Announcer: Leading them to a cage in the back of the store where their ferret has been waiting, John and Cindy can hardly contain themselves. It's an emotional moment, one they've been anticipating all their lives.

Cindy: [crying] Look at all that hair!

John: Hey, little buddy. Who's gonna be a future laser tag champion?

Announcer: Weighing in at just under a pound, Dakota Tyler Willoughby is one healthy little ferret. Fully grown, he'll weigh up to 2 and a half pounds and reach a length of nearly 60 centimeters, including his tail. For now, though, he's content to lie in his mother's arms and gnaw on her finger.

Cindy: Ouch!

John: Honey, you're bleeding!

Cindy: That's OK. I think we brought Band-Aids. They're in the bag along with the "Daddy's Little Mustela" onesie.

Announcer: After John pays for the newest Willoughby -- $129.99 plus tax -- the clan piles into the minivan, securing little Dakota Tyler into his special car cage. Sure, he's terrified -- he may even have an accident -- but it's all part of the magic of new beginnings, for ferret and humans alike.

Cindy: [on confession cam] It's like all your priorities shift in an instant. You finally realize there's something whose needs are more important than your own.

John: And if it doesn't work out, we can take him back within 30 days and exchange him for a hermit crab.

Next page: James Frey: "Ass kicking, cars and women"