Jose Canseco, who has about as drifty a life as a bestselling author who's made millions of dollars and is still relatively young and evidently healthy can have, got knocked out in the first round of a celebrity boxing match in Atlantic City, N.J., Saturday by former Philadelphia Eagles kick returner Vai Sikahema.

Jose's attorney garnished the earnings he made from selling ads on the soles of his shoes

The celebrity boxing match stretched the definition of all three words.

Sikahema, a much smaller man than Canseco, is a former Golden Gloves boxing champion. Canseco has never been in sight when the words "gold" and "glove" were uttered together.

I'd write more, but I repeat myself enough as it is, so I'll point you to this column's deathless coverage of the epic 2002 bout between Tonya Harding and Paula Jones and ask you to adjust the details accordingly.