Attack of the steroid-slurping breast men!

Pill-popping weight-lifters are turning to liposuction to lose their balconies.

Published December 20, 1999 5:00PM (EST)

Dec. 20, 1999

For decades, weight-lifting musclemen have tried to build massive, chiseled
chests by supplementing their ruthless workouts with steroids.

Soft udders with swollen nipples are the last things wannabe-Schwarzeneggers
want to show off when they strip off their tank tops, but ironically,
those are what many are sprouting. Womanly mammaries, nicknamed "bitch
are a side effect of anabolic steroid use.

Gynecomastia (from the Greek words gyne, meaning "woman," and mastos, meaning "breast") is the medical
moniker for the excessive male breast tissue that embarrasses 30-35 percent of the
XY population, reported cosmetic surgeon Elliott W. Jacobs, M.D., in a Dec.
10 Naked World interview. Steroids, amphetamines, marijuana, insulin,
methadone and a plethora of other drugs are considered factors, and many
boys have a genetic predisposition towards girlish breasts for reasons
that remain undiscovered. Most afflicted males "suffer in silence," says
Jacobs, and "don't talk about it."

Masculine problem boobs vary from puffy, protruding nipples to extremely
buxom cases of C or D cups. Unwanted male teat tissue has been
removed in primitive surgical operations for many years, with "big cuts that shell
out the tissue and leave the chest disfigured and concave," says Jacobs.

Now, modified liposuction can eliminate gynecomastia far more gracefully,
claims the Park Avenue physician, who offers male breast
removal for $4,000-$6,000. Small, 1/4-inch to 1-inch incisions at the edge
of the areola or in the armpit allow the fat vacuum to
slurp out the bitch tit tissue, leaving a "nice, smooth contoured area,"
Jacobs promises.

How unfair, I huff! String-bean sissies like me relish the vision of muscle
men forced to wear lacey brassieres; that seems like appropriate
punishment for their beefcake vanity.

By Hank Hyena

Hank Hyena is a former columnist for SF Gate, and a frequent contributor to Salon.

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