Crocodile genitalia siezed

The massive reptilian penises are smuggled into Malaysia as an impotence cure.

Published January 6, 2000 5:00PM (EST)

Jan. 6, 2000

Police arrested an Indonesian smuggler last week in Changlun, Malaysia, when he
tried to sell 22 dried crocodile penises by the roadside, states the Dec.
30 New Straits Times Press (Malaysia). The illicit reptile sex staffs were
reportedly 8 inches long with a three-pronged glans that bristled with miniscule
spikes ... ouch!

The unnamed 30-year-old black marketeer claimed that croc phalli were a
superb traditional medicine for alleviating impotence, low sex drive,
heart disease, asthma, arthritis, high blood pressure and shortness of
breath. But when he pitched this spiel to a plainclothes officer of the
State Anti-Smuggling Unit, he found himself immediately indicted for
customs regulations and his withered weenies cruelly confiscated.

Although ostensibly this arrest was about enforcing customs laws, some
Malaysians seem to resent the invasion of foreign aphrodisiacs. Even the
Western wonder drug Viagra has been challenged. Last year Malaysian Health
Minister Chua Jui Meng also warned the populace that many
of the Viagra pills circulating the nation could be fakes. M. Nor, a Kuala
Lumpur "dukun" (medicine man), claimed that his "jamu" (traditional
concoction) was more effective and cheaper than any Western stimulant,
particularly Viagra at
$28 per pill. His recipe? "Honey, ginger and 'telur ayam kampung' (eggs
of a village-reared chicken) with a regular intake of Vitamin E," he
announced to the June 5, 1998, New Straits Times Press. He boasted that
his love potion has a 90 percent success rate.

"Come on, you Malayasians, wake up!" he reportedly complained. "Why are we
looking to
the West for a cure for impotence when we have all the expertise?"

By Hank Hyena

Hank Hyena is a former columnist for SF Gate, and a frequent contributor to Salon.

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