Don't cry for Jane Fonda, America. Yes, she is suffering through what is no doubt a traumatic breakup with her husband, Ted Turner, but she'll find solace in the arms of her new man, Jesus Christ. As she puts her trust in Him, she just might find that He bears many similarities to her still-legal spouse, Ted. For example ...
"Son of God," "Little Child of Bethlehem"
"Captain Outrageous," "The Mouth from the South"
Claim to fame
Subject of musical, "Jesus Christ, Superstar"
Owner of cable TV superstations
Impressive water stunt
Walked on it
Won the 1977 America's Cup
Made a name for himself in the Middle East
Yes, preaching there
Yes, with CNN's Gulf War coverage
Preached good will toward all men
Created the Goodwill Games
Turned water into wine, etc.
Turned perennial-loser Atlanta Braves into World Series champions; turned black-and-white movies into full-color movies
Inherited his father's business
Yes, billboard advertising company
Deals with enemies by
Turning the other cheek
Challenging them (as he did Rupert Murdoch) to pay-per-view boxing matches in Las Vegas
Was once Time magazine's Man of the Year
Lance Gould is a deputy features editor at the New York Daily News. He is
also the author of "Shagadelicaaly Speaking: The Words and World of Austin