"Pink Gerbils"?

Yikes! John Waters is coming back; Marianne Faithfull puts an end to vicious ancient rumors, starts new ones. Plus: A slap in the face and a sock in the pants: Tom Cruise gets his Calvins in a wad.

Published January 29, 2000 5:00PM (EST)

Lordy sakes! Was this a week or what? In another installment from the never-ending "Stars that talk about lovemaking much too much" marathon, we heard about the aerobatic stunts Alicia Witt would like to perform with that special someone. Next, broken Englishwoman Marianne Faithfull blabbed about the stunts she didn't perform, Mariah Carey twittered on about ... oh, who cares? And, Tom Cruise got his knickers in a bunch over certain accusations about the bunch in his knickers. Finally, two-fisted Bloody Mary imbiber, Alicia Silverstone, didn't talk about Sex on the Beach, but did talk about frog kissing.

Well, I guess if you have enough Bloody Marys ...

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Monday: "Celebs in the dating doldrums"

Ah, life in the fast-forward lane ... Even when you're beautiful, rich and adored by the masses, a good date is still hard to find. Alicia Witt -- who plays a Traci Lords-like porn star in John Waters' upcoming "Cecil B. Demented" (in one scene, she says, "It's just me alone -- and a gerbil") -- agrees.

"Who else do I meet but actors?" she gripes in a Stuff magazine interview. "I hate them. They sit there at dinner and give you their risumi. But then, if they're not actors and they're the least bit star-struck, it can be worse."

All she wants is someone with whom to realize her secret fantasy: Can you say, "mile high"? "I would love to have sex on an airplane," she confides. "It's very tricky and you'd have to have major balls to do it, but I've thought about it a lot." Clearly.

Read the entire Nothing Personal Column for Monday, Jan. 24.

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Tuesday: "To thine ownself be Faithfull"

In the interest of getting a fresh start in the new millennium, Marianne Faithfull wants to clear up a few long-since-forgotten rumors:

1) She did not give Jim Morrison the fix that did him in.

2) The romantic interlude with a Mars bar that was rumored to have taken place at Keith Richards' country home, Redlands, is pure fiction. In fact, she tells the London Times, "I don't like Mars bars."

And while it's true that the rock 'n' roll icon -- who claims that "nearly all the songs that were written in the '60s were written about me" -- is quite tight with a whole batch of young supermodels, she's not interested in bedding them. Or in being their mother. "They're just friends of mine," she says of Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell. "We do our nails together and gossip a lot."

Read the entire Nothing Personal Column for Tuesday, Jan. 25.

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Wednesday: "Cry me Joan Rivers "

Mariah Carey can be bullied, but she can't be bought. In an upcoming interview in Rolling Stone, the dizzy diva divulges that her recent body image problems and obsessive diet regime are all Joan Rivers' fault. According to writer Mim Udovitch, Carey claims she developed a full-fledged eating disorder after Rivers said she looked fat at last year's Academy Awards.

The singer apparently showed a little more spine during a recent trip to a Las Vegas restaurant, when a fan asked her to sing "Happy Birthday" to her boyfriend. "She was going, 'I'll give you $100 if you sing, I'll give you $100,'" Carey tells Udovitch. "And I said, 'No, it's OK, you don't have to.'"

Read the entire Nothing Personal Column for Wednesday, Jan. 26.

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Thursday: "A few good young guns at the firm "

Tom Cruise is apparently none too pleased with speculation that the honking bulge in his Jockeys revealed during a scene in Paul Thomas Anderson's "Magnolia" was about as real as, say, Mark Wahlberg's prosthetic schlong in Anderson's "Boogie Nights."

U.K. entertainment site Empire Online reports that the actor is "seeking legal advice over the issue of the contents of his pants" in the film, and he's already sicced his lawyers on E! Online gossip columnist Ted Casablancas for suggesting that Cruise's extra-large frankfurter was mostly filler.

Read the entire Nothing Personal Column for Thursday, Jan. 27.

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Friday: "The frog prince of Bel-Air"

Think Alicia Silverstone's a goody-goody, do you? Well, consider yourself clueless. The actress recently confessed to the U.K. magazine FHM that she's rather fond of the bottle. "I like to get wasted sometimes," admits Silverstone. "I love red wine and Sea Breezes, and I like a Bloody Mary, too."

And while she didn't mention Sex on the Beach, Silverstone apparently has no aversion to sucking face by the pond. For a TV ad against dissection in biology classes, she cheerfully kissed a frog.

Read the entire Nothing Personal Column for Friday, Jan. 28.

By Amy Reiter

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