21st Challenge No. 34 Results

"Pink slips blossoming in Mountain View" and other haiku for the dot-com downturn.

By Charlie Varon - Jim Rosenau
July 25, 2000 11:14PM (UTC)
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If a start-up fails in the valley and no one is there to turn off the servers, can I still get free shipping?

Now that some hot air has dissipated from the industry, we asked readers in this challenge to meditate on the present moment -- and to do so in haiku form. Once again, we're delighted with the results.



Ten thousand stock shares
Papers collecting dust now
Me doing drywall
-- Noble Smith


When profit is nil,
wealth fades faster than the sun.
What would Bezos do?
-- Heather L. Barnes

I heard your dot-com
laid you off. That's too bad. Send
me your risumi?
-- Dave Stagner


Fuck your damn options.
This surly civil servant
Won't get burned like you.
-- Curtis Linderman

Cool summer: pink slips
blossoming in Mountain View;
dot-coms bear bitter fruit.
-- Nick Sweeney

We will get rich quick.
No real ideas, just Web page.
Whoops! Buyers catch on.
-- Josiah Madigan


Foolish to plan to
retire at twenty-seven.
Twenty-nine is fine.
-- David Nett

Sixty thousand shares.
Multiply by price per share.
Sixty thousand cents.
-- Gence Soysal

Who are these strangers?
A wife? a daughter? a son?
We're so very rich!
-- Paul Mohr


Twenty-four years old,
I'm better off than Dad is.
Wait -- not anymore.
-- Jennifer Rose Hale

Your valuation?
Price soars. Price tanks. But always
infinite p/e.
-- Jim Lambright

Order online now
free shipping mousepad shirt mug
package sent to Mars
-- Bernard Chen


-- David

I will change your world.
B to B me all night long.
Yessss -- oh, it's over.
-- Shelly Cohen

The hours worked each day --
Seventeen. Same number of
Flaws in business plan.
-- James Crossley

Paper millionaire:
Yesterday it was money;
Today it's Charmin.
-- Ernie Jurick


Hurry go public.
They forgot about profits.
Darn, they remember.
-- James W. Black

Dot-coms soar too high.
Their wings are nothing but wax.
They melt in the sun.
-- James W. Black

The wind is howling
through the empty cubicles
A dot-com wasteland
-- Susan Lewis

Stock options for you
Millions in VC funding
Just don't drop your soap
-- Joshua Sibelman


My nest egg money:
Where is it? Falling tech stocks.
Rotten dot-commies.
-- Jeff Taylor

Dot dot dot com
Dash dash dash dot dot dot com
SOS! Send cash!
-- Lynn Perry

Charlie Varon

Charlie Varon is a humorist and playwright. His works include "Ralph Nader Is Missing" and "Rush Limbaugh in Night School."

MORE FROM Charlie Varon

Jim Rosenau

Jim Rosenau is a writer, editor and software designer in Berkeley, Calif. Jim and Charlie are also co-founders of the citizens group Californians for Earthquake Prevention and partners in Mockingbird Media, which offers a full line of comic services.

MORE FROM Jim Rosenau

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