Bette (8 p.m., CBS) has a flashback to her wild pre-marriage days. This show has been on for, what, six weeks now -- would it kill her to do one damn Sophie Tucker joke? On Malcolm in the Middle (8 p.m., Fox), Hal and Lois leave the boys in the care of a baby sitter -- a very sexy baby sitter. Harry Shearer, the voice of Principal Skinner on "The Simpsons," gets typecast on Dawson's Creek (8 p.m., WB). He plays Principal Peskin, who interrogates Dawson, Pacey and Jack after a prank goes awry. Judd Hirsch guests as a former children's show host turned newscaster on Welcome to New York (8:30 p.m., CBS). On The West Wing (9 p.m., NBC), Bartlet has to figure out what to do with a boatload of illegal immigrants from China. And in the "let's humiliate C.J." portion of the show, the put-upon press secretary must decide which of two potential Thanksgiving turkeys gets a reprieve. On The Drew Carey Show (9 p.m., ABC), Drew agrees to help the INS-evading Wick by posing as his domestic partner. Unfortunately, this gets troop leader Drew tossed from a scouting organization that bans gays. Javier asks Felicity to donate an egg so he can have a child on Felicity (9 p.m., WB). On Law & Order (10 p.m., NBC), a former Black Panther (guest Clarence Williams III) is on trial for the fatal shooting of a police officer. It's a musical Thanksgiving on South Park (10 p.m., Comedy Central). You have been warned.
Maui Invitational (9 p.m., ESPN)
Rosie O'Donnell (syndicated) Matthew Broderick, David Blaine
David Letterman (CBS) Richard Simmons
Jay Leno (NBC) Chris O'Donnell
Politically Incorrect (ABC) Robert Klein
Conan O'Brien (NBC) Isaac Hayes
Craig Kilborn (CBS) Doris Roberts
All times Eastern unless noted.