A Boeing 747-400 wide-bodied passenger jet tips the scales at 875,000 pounds maximum takeoff weight. In two months, such a jumbo jet will be sitting on the tarmac of an airport in Los Angeles. Attached to the plane will be a specially constructed harness, split into 20 separate lines. Attached to each of these lines will be the penises of a group of men from Taiwan. The team's goal: to set a Guinness world record by pulling the 400-seat plane with their johnsons.
That should be no problem, according to their coach, Tu Chin-sheng. Last October, three of his students used their schlongs to successfully tug a truck loaded with 100 men through a central square in Taipei (no doubt to an enthusiastic crowd of supporters).
For 20 years, 46-year-old Tu has been teaching a bizarre Chinese martial art in Taipei called Chiu Chiu Shen Gong (Nine Nine Magic Art). But while most refer to his life's field of study as mere "penis hanging," he believes it's much, much more. Those who enroll in his class discover that hanging 300-kilogram iron blocks from one's "little Elvis" can enhance virility as well as general health, he says. In other words, there's still a whole lot of suckers in the world.
The medical community, of course, views this pastime as being dangerous. The penis might break, cry doctors. But come on, doc -- we're pulling a frigging plane!
While virility and strength are important, Tu also loves the limelight. He told the AAP news agency that the team of strong penises has been expressly invited by the Guinness Book of Records museum to fly to America in March and strut its stuff.
"We will send about 20 men, their ages ranging from 25 to 77, to pull the 400-seat 747," Tu announced with confidence. "We hope to set a world record."
In the remaining two months of training, the team would do well to work its way up to the 747-400's behemoth load. The older Boeing 747-200 and 300 series, for example, weigh in at only 833,000 pounds.