You think it's easy being Anna Nicole Smith?
Aside from enduring what has to be serious back pain from carrying all that extra weight around -- not to mention the effects of that fateful dumbbell accident -- Smith is suffering from severe existential angst.
It is, it seems, terribly, terribly difficult to be her.
"It's very expensive to be me. It's terrible the things I have to do to be me," Smith told jurors in her latest struggle over her dead husband's $1.6 billion oil fortune, Reuters reports. "I am serious. I pay a lot of money to be me."
But don't go accusing her of being a gold digger. Smith doesn't like that.
The former stripper and Playboy Playmate says her marriage to the ancient oil baron was a "love thing," explaining, "I never had the love this man gave me and I will never have it again."
Huh?
It's a fair bet she meant she never had it before, because she recalls her late nonagenarian hubby as being at least as appreciative of her assets as she is of his. When she danced for him at a strip club back in 1992, she told the jury, he began to come alive. "He sure didn't just sit there. He grabbed onto my breast and got us into trouble."
The breast-grabbing billionaire, she says, was her "savior," and their love was true and real.
"It wasn't a sexual 'baby, oh baby, I love your body'-type love," she told the court. "It was a deep 'thank you' for taking me out of this hole."
See? It was all about deep pockets of love.
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And speaking of fun, fearless females ...
The bravest thing "Survivor" also-ran Kelly Wiglesworth has ever done may be charging up a zesty Olive Garden meal on a stolen credit card. But that didn't stop Cosmopolitan magazine from toasting her as one of this year's "Fun, Fearless Females" at a luncheon on Monday along with nine other women, including Bo Derek, Julia Stiles, Drea "I'm just a nasty, nasty little fuck" de Matteo, Debra Messing and v. famous author Helen Fielding.
But while Wiglesworth took her "fun, fearless" honors in stride, Derek seems just as mystified about her new label as the rest of us.
"I have a lot of fun," she told the Associated Press, thoughtfully. "I don't know if that means I'm fun."
And if you think the most fearless thing the erstwhile perfect 10 ever did was hang out with George W. Bush and co., contemplate this little tidbit.
The actress is reportedly working on a book for ReganBooks called ... "Everything I Know About Men I Learned From a Stallion."
People, people! Have we learned nothing from Catherine the Great?
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Unafflected
"I got bored with him."
-- Famke Janssen on why she dropped her romance with Ben Affleck.
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Juicy bits
Here's a candidate for next year's fun, fearless list: Debb Eaton, the first castaway booted from "Survivor 2." Debb's scandalous secret makes Wiglesworth's credit card caper look like the work of an amateur. The 45-year-old corrections officer says the love of her life is her 34-year-old stepson, whom she began dating three years ago, after his father (her husband) died. "[Bobby] is the best thing that ever happened to me," Eaton said in an interview Tuesday on "Inside Edition." What's more, she told Bryant Gumbel on the "Early Show," "It's not immoral, and you don't choose who you fall in love with." Is it me, or is she starting to sound like Anna Nicole Smith?
Is "Basic Instinct II" basically a bust? U.K. Web site Popcorn reports that director David Cronenberg has walked away from the project after the search for a male lead to replace Robert Downey Jr. went nowhere. But the New York Post reports that Cronenberg bailed onaccounta "vicious fights" he was having with Sharon Stone. Hide the ice pick.
Rudy Giuliani and Hillary Clinton may soon have something in common: a whopping book deal. Variety reports that the mean mayor has hired Hollywood dealmaker Brad Grey to help him snag a deal in the mid to high seven figures, a sum that would rival Sen. Clinton's $8 million contract. That's big cash for a big bully.
It won't be the same without Nipsey Russell, but it looks like we'll all be easing on down that yellow brick road one more time. Brandy has confirmed that she plans to star as Dorothy in a made-for-TV hip-hop version of "The Wiz." According to the Hollywood Reporter, the TV movie will also star Queen Latifah as Glinda the Good Witch, Busta Rhymes as the Cowardly Lion, Little Richard as the Wizard, Ginuwine as the Scarecrow and the group IMX as the Flying Monkeys. No word yet on who will play Toto.
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