She'd better not guilty herself!

A language-impaired Anna Nicole Smith storms out of court; Anthony Jr. squeals on the upcoming season of "The Sopranos." Plus: DiCaprio heroically hurls horse manure at paparazzi!

By Amy Reiter

Published February 5, 2001 5:36PM (EST)

Oh, no. I was at the wrong trial!

While I was standing on the sidelines, cheering on the Puffy parade in Manhattan Supreme Court, Anna Nicole Smith was melting down in another courtroom in a state far, far away. (And mind you, there's a lot of her to melt.)

During her testimony this week, Smith got Probate Judge Mike Wood all worked up by repeatedly accusing Pierce Marshall, the son of her late husband, of murder, lying and financial misconduct.

Under oath, the former Playboy Playmate said Marshall was responsible for the death of her 90-year-old husband (according to the autopsy, he died of heart failure). She also contended that Marshall had arranged to have an anesthesiologist do in the old man's former mistress, Jewell DiAnne "Lady" Walker. What's more, she said, she feared that Marshall had plotted to electrocute her in her swimming pool.

"The qualified privilege to testify does not allow you to make up stories," Wood told Smith, according to Reuters. If she didn't cut it out, the judge said, he'd be forced to hold her in contempt of court.

"How am I contempting myself?" Smith asked. (Oh, let us count the ways!)

"I'm sorry you think I'm a liar," she said, poutily.

But if the contempt controversy set Smith simmering, a dispute over whether or not she'd have to post bond (ensuring that she'd return to court) sent her into a full boil. The judge denied the bond request, but not before the shapely litigant stormed out of the courtroom.

Hope she's not off contempting herself.

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Oh, the humanity!

"I've definitely had my diva moments where I hate my outfit because my stomach's hanging out over my pants or my butt looks big. I'll blow up at people. But I'm not some ... machine. I'm human."

-- Spearslike pop star Jessica Simpson on the human side of divadom, in CosmoGIRL! magazine.

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A goomah for Anthony Jr.?

At last! A little advance dirt about the upcoming season of "The Sopranos" is starting to dribble out. And we've got Anthony Soprano Jr. to thank for it.

"I can't say anything about anyone else," 16-year-old Robert Iler, who plays Anthony Jr. on the killer HBO show, tells the upcoming issue of Spin. "But my character, he becomes more evil this season. I'm not sure if it's because he found out his father is in the Mob."

Iler's not sure if Anthony Jr. will follow in his father's footsteps, but says he hopes so. "I don't know if my character will even go to college," he says, "but I hope he definitely gets involved with the Mob. I wouldn't be surprised if he did."

And although he can't say much more than that without risking a new pair of cement shoes, he can say this: He's rooting for Anthony Jr. to get a little action of the female kind. "He hasn't even had a girlfriend yet," Iler points out, betraying a hint of frustration. "I don't know what they're waiting for."

Um ... puberty?

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Advice even a U.S. president could love

"You see, I am very stupid. I don't understand or talk well. I take it easy every day. I am like an idiot. Be like this every day, and then you'll look young ... Don't try to push yourself too hard."

-- "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" star Chow Yun-fat on the secret to eternal youth.

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Juicy bits

Leonardo DiCaprio: Shit missile. While filming a scene for Martin Scorsese's "Gangs of New York" in Rome on Thursday, the lanky actor reportedly lost his shit after a pack of paparazzi moved in too close. The photographers were apparently angling to get a shot of three extras who were injured when the horse pulling the carriage they were riding in got spooked and sent them tumbling. In what may have been an effort to get the photographers to back off to allow help through, DiCaprio flung a cup of horse manure at a particularly pesky paparazzo. Hey, shit happens ...

Just don't duet? It looks as though Madonna and Britney Spears will not be recording a song together after all. It just "didn't work out," Madonna's rep Liz Rozenberg told the press, adding, "I'm certainly not denying that Madonna likes Britney and thinks she doesn't deserve to be trashed in the press, but that's about it."

But wait, wait! Those of you who have your heart set on hearing a washed-up old pop star duet with a brash new one may have another chance. Rumors are heating up that Elton John and Eminem will team up in song at the Grammy Awards later this month. Publicists for both stars deny any knowledge of the reported duet. "Eminem hasn't even decided whether to go to the Grammys," the rapper's flack told the New York Post, "much less perform." Too bad, 'cause I bet he'd do a mean "Candle in the Wind."

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Miss something? Read yesterday's Nothing Personal.

Amy Reiter

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