Remember that time when Mike fell into the fire and then his palms floated up to the top of the river like pale pond scum? How about when he went Norman Bates on that feral pig? Or remember when Alicia screamed at Kimmi and Kimmi wanted to know what the hell was in her butt?
And jeez, isn't that Kimmi annoying? And isn't Jerri just an evil Heather?
And remember that mournful didgeridoo?
Ah, our youth. It has all passed away, like so many baby wallabies paddling idly by in a stream.
We've come so far, sunk so low, in the past eight weeks.
Last night, instead of a new "Survivor" episode, CBS gave us a clip job: a recap of the first eight weeks, with a few new scenes dredged up from the cutting-room floor. (We're pretty sure this was designed to push another one of the final episodes of the series into sweeps month, in May.) Still, we did learn a few new things:
The top 10
10. Military man Kel was offended when the tribe accused him of secretly possessing "magical beef jerky." Why was he so upset? Navy guys pay 200 bahts to get compliments like that in Thailand.
9. "On Day 5, a storm brewed at Ogakor, in the form of a blue bikini" -- Jeff Probst, King of All the Koalas, in an overdub, talking about Jerri. "Survivor" really won't suffer if there's a writers strike this summer.
8. Rodger says he's playing along with his Kentucky Joe nickname. "I'm going to be the dumb old schoolteacher guy," he says. We say, "You can take the farmer out of Kentucky ..."
7. After the Kucha members lost the big cliff jump challenge, they all eased into a little whirl of rapids and called it a hot tub. So Kimmi really did take a bath.
6. "You don't ever learn anything by talking, you learn things by listening" -- words of wisdom from Kel. He learned little, and was ousted tout de suite from Ogakor. Still, his ostracizing and subsequent banishment will remain a potent metaphor for how society demonizes and then eliminates the Other.
5. "This can be a nasty game, but you have to play it with class" -- Nick. Nick really is classy. It's gonna be sad to watch his slow death next week at the hand of the shaky Ogakor bloc.
4. Colby is never short of a Texas-ism. This week: "[The rice] went over like a pickle in a punch bowl."
3. The first night, the Ogakors couldn't sleep through Colby's heavy breathing. That Texan snores louder than a wounded bear beggin' fer change.
2. The only thing worse than Jerri is Jerri with a drum.
1. The rigors of the outback are stressful and unpleasant enough without hearing Jerri's fireside a cappella rendition of Fiona Apple. We would rather eat a big live pulsating outback worm.
-- Jeff Stark