The more they toot

Brando and De Niro ga-ga for fart jokes; George Costanza needs a son; Puffy gets his feelers hurt! Plus: Clooney can't get a break, and Billy Bob can't hold a tune.

Published July 2, 2001 4:54PM (EDT)

Fart jokes ... the latest celebrity trend?

Heather Graham is apparently not alone in her love of a good bodily function joke. Add to the list of celebrity cheese-cutting humor cognoscenti Marlon Brando and Robert Di Niro.

The ailing Brando reportedly wreaked havoc on the set of the film "The Score" by toting in a remote-controlled fart machine. At least that's what their costar Edward Norton tells the Scottish Daily Record.

"Marlon would wait until De Niro was getting all serious for a tense scene, then he would let off this machine," Norton says. "I guess that is what it takes to break De Niro's focus -- flatulence."

But while De Niro was moved to opine that Brando "has quite a sense of humor," Angela Bassett, who plays De Niro's love interest in the film, isn't laughing. She's a little steamed that she never even met the legendary Method man.

The two never had any scenes together, but Bassett tells the New York Daily News that she "stood around waiting for him for four days when I wasn't even working."

"He got sick at one point, which I think accounts for the reason I didn't get to meet him," Bassett allows, "but I think at least he could have met me for a second and shook my hand, or something."

Guess he was too busy farting around with that machine ...

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A voice against violence?

"She's going to be holding a hammer over his head for the next year. If he screws up one time, she'll be on him."

-- Assistant prosecutor Mark Bilkovic on the judge who sentenced Emimen to a year's probation in the "Insane Clown Posse" gun-brandishing case.

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The son also kvetches

Are you a young George Costanza type?

It might be painful to admit, but it might be worth it. ABC TV is holding open auditions for the role of Jason Alexander's son on the "Seinfeld" star's new series, "Bob Patterson."

According to a casting notice for the open call (to be held Tuesday, July 10, from 3 to 6 p.m. at Shetler Studios, 939 Eighth Ave., in New York), those interested in playing Alexander's "couch potato, unmotivated" offspring should be "male, funny, overweight, 18 or older."

Producers are also reportedly looking to recast the role of Alexander's ex-wife.

What, did the original actress lick a few envelopes or something?

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Dirty Talk?

"It is definitely hurtful and it's upsetting and it's, like, disgusting."

-- Sean "D. Piddly" Combs on a Talk magazine article that alleges he's still under investigation for three criminal offenses, including tax violations and gun possession, in an Associated Press interview.

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Juicy bits

Poor George Clooney gets blamed for everything from armpit sniffing to breaking up just about every couple in Hollywood. So it's no surprise that he's being blamed for the rift between Julia Roberts and Benjamin Bratt. What is surprising is that he actually bothered to comment on the rumors, if only to protest his innocence. "I didn't have time," Clooney quips to the New York Daily News. "I was too busy breaking up Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman's marriage." Well, at least he's finally owned up to that one.

Some people get married by Elvis impersonators, Tom Petty and his new wife, Dana York, chose to get married by the real Little Richard. The couple, who recently got legally hitched, just had a private second "spiritual" ceremony, presided over by the man who brought the world "Tutti Frutti" and "Long Tall Sally." Good golly.

Here's a surprise: Billy Bob Thornton's musical tribute to Angelina Jolie, "Beauty at the Back Door," stinks. In fact, "sources" tell the New York Post that the album is so odiferous "Mercury Nashville is having second thoughts about releasing" it. Maybe they could get Marlon Brando to add a few choice sound effects on his fart machine? They wouldn't have to change the title of the album.

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Miss something? Read yesterday's Nothing Personal.

By Amy Reiter

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Celebrity George Clooney Marlon Brando