What's the return policy?

Heche describes the "gift of trauma"; James Woods proposes terrorist decapitation; Gwyneth sinks her teeth into British choppers; Britney's glass: Available for the sipping!

Published January 28, 2002 5:12PM (EST)

Anne Heche doesn't even have to ask. I'm ready to call her crazy all over again.

As she starts to make her way 'round the interview circuit for her next movie, "John Q," which she made in the aftermath of her infamous post-Ellen wig-out, she has come to describe her psychic break as "the gift of trauma."

"After you get the gift of trauma, you're able to open up to many things," the wacky actress tells TV Guide Online. "I was closing a chapter of pain and crossing into joy."

Mind you, by pain, she does not mean her relationship with Ellen DeGeneres itself, though that chapter, too, happened to be closing at the very same time.

"I loved my relationship with her," Heche says. "I would never say a bad word about her. I wish her success in love."

Though she does admit that Ellen may not feel so generously inclined toward her.

"I haven't talked to Ellen since I left. I have no idea what she'll do if she sees me in public," she tells the Web site. "I know that it's always more painful to be left."

But, hey, now that Heche is married and gearing up to birth her baby next month, she feels only good stuff.

"I'm elated, anticipatory and thrilled," she says, confessing that she and her husband, Coley Laffoon, know the sex of the baby and have even picked out a name, though they're not quite ready to share it.

Who's placing bets on "Celestia"?

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He Woods if he coulds

"The only way to stop a terrorist is to cut his head off."

-- James Woods, showing his kinder, gentler side during an interview with Los Angeles station Channel 5 KTLA.

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Gwynnie barks about British bites

The whole "England is so much less looksist than Hollywood" thing recently landed Minnie Driver in hot water, but that isn't stopping Gwyneth Paltrow from wading into the same territory.

Paltrow says she prefers British fellas onaccounta what she sees as their proclivity for uneven orthodontia.

"I have always liked British boys, and having spent time in England, I like them even more, even though they may have hacked-up teeth," Paltrow prattled to Ananova.com. "In Los Angeles everyone has perfect teeth. It's crocodile land. But British men, by and large, aren't totally pre-occupied by the way they look. They have a better sense of proportion, a sense of reality."

A woman after Austin Powers' own heart.

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Juicy bit about juicy bits

Step right up and see a dirty glass from which Britney Spears once drank orange juice.

A radio station in Cologne, Germany, is sending the dreggy Spears cup on a five-city national tour, displaying the glass, from which the singer sipped during a Jan. 15 on-air interview, on a pedestal for all to see and admire. The station, EinsLive, is reporting live from each stop on the tour, and will reward one lucky viewer to drink the last of Britney's juice from the half-finished bottle she left behind when the tour raps up this week.

And if anyone doubts that those lipstick stains were left by Spears, station spokesman Andreas Neuhaus has assured German paper Sueddeutsche Zeitung that "it is definitely her glass."

And that's definitely her moldy pulp.

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Miss something? Read yesterday's Nothing Personal.

By Amy Reiter

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