Girls just want to have fun

I've been flirting with one boy at work and having PG-13 slumber parties with another at home. Am I a bad girl?

By Cary Tennis

Published October 31, 2002 4:46PM (EST)

Dear Cary,

I've had an ongoing flirtation with a boy I work with for almost two years now. Most of the time he's had a girlfriend and I've been single, so it was limited to innocent chatting with the occasional veiled comment. We'd go to lunch together a few times a month, and we definitely became friends. Nobody at work suspects anything other than that, and it's been fine.

In the past few months, however, he and his girlfriend have decided to see other people and not be exclusive. Since then, our flirting has escalated greatly, and not just at work. Lunches have become increasingly frequent, and our at-work banter has gotten almost ridiculous -- he'll stop at my desk (I'm the receptionist) and we'll openly talk about how much we'd like to go home and fuck each other until neither one of us can stand up, and we'll call each other during the day to mention something about the other that we find particularly attractive (mine is usually his smell; his is often the way I look at him over my glasses). We both love the fact that we shouldn't be doing this at work, and the fact that we have to be really careful makes it (of course) that much hotter.

We've also started talking to each other at home. We've had long conversations (up to three hours) at night when both of us are in bed, and more than once this has lead to mutual masturbation. It's phone sex, pure and simple. What makes the whole situation even better is that we really do like each other -- we're really compatible, and we both love talking with each other about all sorts of stuff. Neither one of us would be bothered by any "office talk" if we started dating, so it has all seemed to be going along just perfectly.

The complication? I've met someone. A boy who is so adorable, funny, cute, smart, sweet and lovely that I cannot believe it. We spent all of the past weekend together, with both nights ending in PG-13 slumber parties. The most amazing part was that when I was ready for things to progress past the kissing and rolling-around stage, he said no, he thought it would be a better idea to wait. I've never encountered that in my life -- every boy I've ever been with has been in my pants from the get-go, and having this boy tell me he would rather wait and take it slow was just the icing on the cake. He holds my hand in the most affectionate and sweet way, and when he kisses me I can barely breathe. I smile and turn pink just thinking about him, and I honestly feel that this could very well be the beginning of something long-lasting and wonderful.

So what could the problem be? In short, I don't ever want to cheat on anyone, and I wouldn't. It's just not who I am. But I hate the idea of missing out on any sexual encounter. I have a sex drive that is akin to that of a 14-year-old boy, and since I'm not in a relationship yet, I want to take advantage of the entire situation. Work Boy wants me to come over and play on Thursday night, and I'm not sure what to do. Work Boy and I were on the phone last night for an hour and a half, with him detailing everything he'd like to do to me and with me on Thursday. It was one of the most astounding sexual encounters I've ever had, and knowing that we have these results without even touching each other makes both of us crazy to shut ourselves in a room together completely naked for as long as we can.

But the problem is that I feel like I'm being "bad," like I'm cheating on Adorable Boy. I know I'm not his girlfriend, but I feel that there is a very strong possibility that I will be in the near future, and I want very much for nothing to get in the way of that. But on the other hand, I'm not his girlfriend now, and anything that would happen with Work Boy should be fair game. I'm torn between being the good girl and the bad girl, and I don't know which girl is the one I really want to be!

Can you help? Any thoughts appreciated.

Angel With a Devil's Sex Drive

Dear Angel,

I think you should just be the bad girl. Maybe I like the bad girl better, or maybe she's not even a bad girl, but just a girl who wants to have fun. But maybe it's more fun to see her as a bad girl. It doesn't seem like you're the only one who's experimenting, and it doesn't seem like you've made any commitments you'd be breaking. You wouldn't be interfering in any innocent person's life. You're all young and sexy and you should just go fuck each other's brains out. That's what youth is for.

I wouldn't look for moral restrictions where they don't exist. You don't have to make life complicated yet. It gets plenty complicated later, all on its own.

Cary Tennis

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