The Fix

Chris Rock threatens Drudge, Madonna's feelings are hurt and Jon Stewart uses dirty words. Plus: Lisa Marie regrets marrying Michael!

Published March 28, 2003 7:41PM (EST)

Chris Rock says that he "never had any intention of bashing President Bush" while promoting his film "Head of State." He says if he were to meet the perpetrator of the report, Matt Drudge, he would "take my red-blooded American foot and put it up his un-American backside" for trying to disrupt the film's opening. A DreamWorks spokesman denied anyone has tried to muzzle Rock. OK, P.R. campaign done. Now let's see if the movie's any good. (Washington Post)

Tampa Bay says "No Thanks" to Susan Sarandon. The peace-loving Susan was to be the keynote speaker at a United Way women's leadership event but after they got "three dozen" complaints about Sarandon's views on the war, the plug was pulled. The theme of the event? "The role of women as leaders and contributors." (St. Petersburg Times)

Lisa Marie Presley told Rolling Stone that she regrets her marriage to Michael Jackson. That's good to know. What we find amazing is that she says Michael claimed in an interview that Elvis had cosmetic surgery on his nose. We think that is called transference ... or is it that Jacko is just plain wacko? (BBC)

Rumors abound that Madonna introduced Rupert Everett to his new boyfriend -- docu producer Curt Johnson ("Thoth"). We don't care what team he plays on, Rupert would make anyone an An Ideal Husband. But the film we would like to recommend to his fans is the obscure, strange and shockingly wonderful "The Comfort of Strangers" -- wherein he mixes it up with the fascinatingly creepy Christopher Walken. (Village Voice)

Speaking of La Madonna, we hear her feelings were bruised by the Golden Raspberry ("Razzie") award for worst movie of the year given to her and Guy Ritchie's remake of "Swept Away." She's trying to get popular again by making an appearance on "Will and Grace" as a possible roomie for Megan Mullally's character, Karen. The two cute brats should be a match made in heaven. (Yahoo)

We finally get to see what "Seinfeld" and "Curb Your Enthusiasm" creator Larry David's real wife looks like! And guess what? She's not blond! She hates SUVs and straws! And Larry says she screams a lot -- sometimes at 7 in the morning. Wouldn't you, if you saw him sitting across the breakfast table? (L.A. Weekly)

Reports keep coming in that Jon Stewart is doing the best coverage of the war. We finally found a clip of the "Daily Show" where he reported the multimillion dollar contract to douse the Iraqi oil fires had been awarded with no bid to Halliburton, Vice President Dick Cheney's former company. Stewart's comment: "I feel like the government just took a shit on my chest." (Comedy Central) And on Thursday's show, this one-line review of Celine Dion's new Vegas extravaganza by comic Lewis Black: "... the second worst thing happening in the desert right now ..."

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By Karen Croft

Karen Croft is the editor of Salon Sex.

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Jon Stewart Matt Drudge Susan Sarandon