I am currently seeing someone it would be very easy to fall in love with. He's funny and gentle and kind. He is interesting to talk with and a great kisser (and an excellent communicator). In short, he seems wonderful, except he is 52, 24 years older than me. In the present this doesn't bother me, but when I think about possible futures (me at 40, him at 64; me at 50, him at 74), I get worried. Also when I think about meeting his parents and introducing him to mine, I get very worried (my parents are roughly six years older than him). Any advice about age differences? I'm sure he's not a serial younger-dater, and I'm definitely not a serial older-dater.
How much of an age difference is too much?
Worried in Advance
Well, I don't think there are any hard and fast rules about how much of an age difference is too much. It's more a matter of identifying the specific issues that arise from the difference. And yes, there are going to be strange moments, like when he and your parents start talking about where they were when President Kennedy was shot, and there's a pause where they all look at you as if to say, but you weren't even born yet, you couldn't possibly understand. Or -- and this gets a little creepy, doesn't it -- when you see your dad and your boyfriend next to each other and you start comparing muscle tone. So there are going to be odd moments and there are going to be issues. What you need is some all-embracing certainty that this is the right thing; if you've got that, you can approach any situation with grace and good humor. Amor omnia vincit, as they say.
Here are some issues to get out in the open:
Best of luck to you both.
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Want more advice from Cary? Read yesterday's column.