New Rule: Your daughter's a whore. According to the FBI, there's a new wrinkle in prostitution: Suburban teenage girls are now selling their white asses at the mall ... to make money to spend at the mall! Wow, I can't even find an escalator that goes down.
Oh sure, I know what you're saying: Upper-middle-class Caucasian teen whoring is something that happens to other people's kids. But our little Ashley trading her coochie for Gucci? No way!
Maybe. But if she comes home with scraped knees, that might not be from skipping rope. And come on, nobody buys a Lexus with "baby-sitting money." If your kid's name is on the mall directory under "services" ...
The joke here is on white America, which always felt superior to blacks and showed that with their feet, moving out of urban areas: "White flight" they called it. Whites feared blacks; they feared if they raised their kids around blacks, the blacks would turn their daughters into dope fiends and prostitutes -- and now through the miracle of MTV, damned if it didn't work out that way!
You see, MTV is where Snoop and Jay-Z and 50 Cent tell their stories -- that's what rap is, telling your stories -- the stories of their youth, and being poor blacks. Pimps and drug dealers were the only role models they had. And now that whole worldview is all up in your kid's Kool-Aid!
Little boys want a chocolate mama with a huge ass, and the girls in the suburbs apparently have accepted being a ho as just another hip lifestyle choice. So if you take your kid to the mall this Christmas and she climbs into Santa's lap face first, you should look into it. And remind your little princess, if a young woman must exchange sex for material goods, they should do it the accepted way: through the sanctity of marriage.