The Fix

Martha confesses to Barbara Walters, Julia Roberts thwarts a tell-all, and Jerry Hall shares her secrets. Plus: Will Steve Martin be the next Inspector Clouseau?

Published October 13, 2003 1:35PM (EDT)

Martha Stewart has decided to talk to the mother confessor, Barbara Walters, in an exclusive interview to be broadcast in November. The only quote offered as a preview is: "Who wouldn't be scared? Of course I'm scared. The last place I would ever want to go is prison. I don't think I will be going to prison, though." For Martha to admit being scared is a big deal. This is a woman who stays calm even when the sauce curdles. But on her show, the staff steps in and no mistakes ever appear on air. Too bad life can't be that perfect. (ABC News)

Speaking of women with clout -- Julia Roberts was not happy to hear that E! channel was planning to do a special on her rollercoaster love life (marriage to Lyle Lovett, romances with Kiefer Sutherland, Jason Patric and Benjamin Bratt, and her current marriage to Danny Moder.) So what does the pretty woman do? Instead of getting mad, she makes a deal: if E! pulls the special, she gives them an exclusive on her new movie "Mona Lisa Smile." (IMDB)

Ever wonder how statuesque beauty Jerry Hall keeps her calm and youthful appearance? First of all, she gave the boot to Mick Jagger, thereby reducing her anxiety level significantly ("It was a very unhealthy relationship. I should really have left him a lot earlier.") No, she says it's as simple as exercise, drinking a lot of water and not snacking or drinking alcohol. As for plastic surgery, she says "I would never go under the knife. It's just not my thing to look surprised the whole time." (Ananova)

Remakes of classics usually fall flat, but having Steve Martin reprise Peter Sellers' role in "The Pink Panther" might just work. Martin can probably pull off the funny fake French. Ivan Reitman ("Kindergarten Cop") is directing, though, and we can only hope and pray this doesn't mean Arnold Schwarzenegger will have a cameo. (CNN)

As for classics of another kind, Quentin Tarantino has been saying that he'd like to direct a film in the James Bond 007 series, but when a spokesman for the Bond franchise was asked if they'd want Q.T. he said, "Not really." Audible sigh of relief. (MSNBC)

Money Quote
One for the kick-him-when-he's-down files: Rush Limbaugh's pal Paul Weyrich on two women who dated Rush: "They both said, 'I'll never go on a date with him again.' They did not have a good time. He talked about himself and didn't seem interested in them at all." (Newsweek)

Best of the Rest
Page Six: Rodney Dangerfield and his wife, Joan, meet with CEO of Clonaid, the company that claims to have cloned a human, to discuss cloning Rodney. Says Joan, "Rodney and I are clone-curious"; Billy Joel and Christy Brinkley's daughter, Alexa Ray, switches to school of performing arts. Parents at old school expected to "miss rubbing elbows" with celebrities at school events; "Angel" star Mercedes McNab says Steven Seagal harassed her on Paramount lot when she was 15, adds, "He's really a pig"; University of Chicago streakers alarm and amuse Gwyneth Paltrow, Jake Gyllenhaal and Anthony Hopkins during "Proof" film shoot; Luther Vandross goes from hospital to rehab, entertains Patti LaBelle and Aretha Franklin, starts telling jokes.

Lloyd Grove's Lowdown: Somewhat famous New Yorkers Esther Newberg, Michael Gould, Lois Smith, Peter Hunsinger and Jeffrey Lyons are rooting for the Boston Red Sox to beat the Yankees in the playoffs. Says P.R. doyenne Smith, "I know I'm going to hear from Billy Crystal about this!"; Denise Rich holds charity ball in memory of her daughter Gabrielle, who died of leukemia in 1996; the old clothes and gifts -- including lingerie and autographed photos of Bill Clinton -- Monica Lewinsky gave the ex-wife of the high school drama teacher with whom she had an affair have been sold to a dealer and will soon go to the highest bidder; Republican National Committee is pissed that "K Street" consultant/star Mary Matalin asked for permission for die-hard Democrats George Clooney and Steven Soderbergh to film a presidential fundraiser. "Your source is probably outraged because they weren't asked to be on 'K Street,'" Matalin replied.

Liz Smith: Lance Armstrong, five-time winner of the Tour de France, in his new book, "Every Second Counts": "It wasn't heroic to survive cancer. No one was immune ... I was dealt an unfortunate hand, and I simply did what came naturally to me: I tried hard."

--Amy Reiter

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By Karen Croft

Karen Croft is the editor of Salon Sex.

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