The Fix

Camilla stands by her man, Elizabeth Smart beats Jessica Lynch -- by a nose -- and Arnold is going to investigate himself! Plus: Why would a queer guy need a straight eye, anyway?

Published November 10, 2003 2:53PM (EST)

Since this morning, there is of course more news on the non-news about Prince Charles. Now we have Camilla Parker Bowles saying, "My prince would never do that" (referring to the Charles-and-a-servant scandal rumor that the British press can't run but that everyone else is referring to). Then, in a poor choice of words, Camilla added, "He would never stoop so low." (People U.K.)

In the ratings battle of the blondes in peril last night, CBS came out ahead by a cute button nose with its Elizabeth Smart movie over NBC's Jessica Lynch offering. And of course CBS came out the overall ratings winner for the evening since it also has "60 Minutes." I think Mike Wallace is just as cute as Elizabeth or Jessica, don't you? (Zap2it)

When California's Attorney General Bill Lockyer came out after the election and said the sexual harassment charges against Arnold Schwarzenegger weren't going to go away, Arnie's spokesman said, "The governor-elect had already decided to engage a well-respected investigative firm to look into the allegations." So, when it comes to sexual misconduct charges, Democrats get to have Ken Starr do it and Republicans get to investigate themselves! Good deal. (IMDB)

What does it mean that rock stars are becoming paragons of virtue? Duran Duran frontman Simon Le Bon says he does a vocal "cool down" after shows now instead of vodka. And what about groupies? "Get as many girls in the dressing room as possible and pick the prettiest-looking ones and then make a complete fool of yourself. Yasmin [his wife] usually is the prettiest one in the room." (Ananova)

For some misguided reason, Bravo has started work on a show called "Straight Eye for the Queer Guy" on which straight men will tutor a gay man about watching football, decorating a garage and keeping emotions bottled up. Was anyone alive in that idea meeting? Straight guys want help being more attractive and sensitive to get dates with women. How will learning about sports help a gay guy get a date? (TV Guide)

Money Quotes
"Why Not Me?" indeed. There's a "good enough, smart enough" joke in here somewhere: Al Franken on being "intrigued" at the idea of running for senate in Minnesota: "Republicans always say, 'How dare Susan Sarandon and Martin Sheen get involved in politics!' Then Arnold showed up and it was 'Oooh! Arnold's running! Oooh! The Terminator!' Well, 'F' you! ... I used to say I'd never run because I'd be a terrible officeholder. Now I don't want to say that, because it would look bad if I ever did run." (Newsweek)

The biggest royal scandal since that whole Prince Charles/tampon thing: Amid rampant -- altogether unproven -- rumors touched off by a former royal valet, the question posed on the front page of the London News of the World tabloid : "IS CHARLES BISEXUAL?" (Reuters)

He's no Tommy Lee: Kid Rock on his secret life as a homemaker: "I was going to a charity event with Wayne Gretzky recently, and he saw me haul out a copy of Better Homes & Gardens. Wayne said, 'Tell me you're not reading that, dude.' But I'm really into decorating. If you saw my house, you'd laugh." (N.Y. Daily News)

Best of the Rest
Page Six: Paparazzo sues 50 Cent for $21 million, claiming the rapper's bodyguards roughed him up and caused him "serious" neck and jaw injuries; Ben Gazzara's wife knits pricey doggie sweaters; high-profile celeb lawyer Bert Fields questioned in wiretapping case against L.A. private eye Anthony Pellicano; Evan Handler, who plays Harry on "Sex and the City," steps up as advocate for Fertile Hope, an organization that helps chemo patients freeze their eggs and sperm, as Handler himself did after he went through chemo; PETA-lovin' Pink refuses to perform at charity event attended by Vogue editor Anna Wintour onaccounta Wintour's been known to wear fur; Joan Rivers says she likes to get plastic surgery every two years, explains, "You Simonize your car, so why not your face?"; Kid Rock on drinking with P.Diddy: "I go, 'I'm drinking Jim Beam.' He goes, 'What's Jim Beam?' He had all this Cristal lined up. I go, 'See all that stuff? You know how much Beam you could get for what all that costs? Dude, you could have a party for a year.'"

Lloyd Grove's Lowdown: "Rich Girls" producers Ally Hilfiger and Jaime Gleicher, both 18, apparently don't know who Benjamin Franklin was; source says Sen. John Kerry's wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry, "MOST DEFINITELY DID NOT hug Howard Dean" at the CNN-Rock the Vote debate, did hug Al Sharpton, though; Eminem says he thinks Tupac Shakur was "the greatest songwriter that ever lived. "

--Amy Reiter

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By Karen Croft

Karen Croft is the editor of Salon Sex.

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