Two guys

I am seeing two men -- one I'm falling for and another who is a better choice.

By Cary Tennis
Published December 15, 2003 8:40PM (EST)

Dear Cary,

I normally talk through my problems with my mates, but this is different. It's a little too much like bragging.

I have two guys. I like them both a lot -- it's too early to call it love. M is sexy, cute and funny. We shared a house together as students and have been friends for years. We met up again recently, the chemistry we had denied as students was still there, and we had an amazing weekend. We live 300 miles apart, and neither of us has our own place.

After coming out of a long-term relationship where my ex got to keep the house we shared, I am having to live with my mother. M boomeranged after a business venture failed. We've squeezed in two other weekends, and I can really see a long-term future with this guy: Not only do I care deeply for him as a friend, but the sex is fabulous. If only we could have a little more time together. Oh, and he isn't well. Hodgkin's disease is suspected, but NHS is dragging their feet over the diagnosis.

Then there is P. Perhaps the best-looking man on the planet, and a guy I had a crush on when I first met him at work. We flirted, but I was with the long-term other half, so nothing came of it. I moved and changed jobs, meaning he is now 100 miles away. He found out I had been unceremoniously dumped and gave me a call. Me! He is totally out of my league looks-wise, intelligent, funny, you get the picture. As I said, it sounds like I'm bragging, right? The difference is, he drives and is prepared to drive the 100 miles every weekend to see me. And he has a place that I can drive to for slumber parties.

M is a serious kind of guy, sensitive. If he found out I was dating someone else, I think he would be really hurt. And I care for him so much I know I am falling for him. Initially I thought P was in it for fun and one over on his boss, who is my ex. Turns out he hasn't dated in ages, hasn't bragged to his colleagues about doing the boss's ex, and is really incredibly sweet and tender.

Who do I pick? I really don't know, and that makes me such a bitch. I spent three years muddling along with an uninspiring, homely guy, got my heart broken, then two wonderful suitors appear in my life. Both good-looking, both intelligent, both sexy, both bloody miles away, but one not so far as the other. When did I get to be the girl who gets the guy -- this isn't me. I am falling for M, but P is more a sensible choice. God, this is too new to me, can you sort it out? Whichever one you pick, I'll go with.

Torn Between Two Lovers

Dear Torn,

Go with M, since you're falling for him. It wouldn't make sense to do any differently.

I'm not sure what rules you're operating under, or what laws govern the state of romance you're living in, but it might be possible to exploit loopholes and just keep seeing them both. If I were you, I'd keep at it as long as you can, because it does seem like a rare run of good luck.

But if you have to choose, follow your heart. If there's one you're falling for, fall for him. Don't make the sensible choice. They're men, not shoes.

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Cary Tennis

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