Too much information

By Geraldine Sealey
Published March 9, 2004 5:05PM (EST)

Liz Smith reports in her gossip column today that Tucker Carlson, the young conservative in the bow-tie on CNN's Crossfire, loosened up a bit with an Elle reporter and made these delightful comments about his views on women and sex. (We were going to make one of these "quote of the day," but who could choose just one?)

Carlson: "One area of liberal phenomenon I support is female bi-sexuality -- this apparent increased willingness of girls to bring along a friend. That's a pretty good thing."

What do women want, Elle asks Tucker? "They want to be listened to, protected and amused. And they want to be spanked vigorously every one in a while."

If you could be a woman, Tucker, what woman would you be? "[Elizabeth Birch] formerly of the Human Rights Campaign because you'd be presiding over an organization of thousands of lesbians, some of them quite good-looking."

Who is Carlson's "guilty fantasy bedmate"? "Hillary. Every time I see her I think I could, you know, help ... She seems tense." Which female conservative pundit would Tucker prefer, Laura Ingraham or Ann Coulter? "Laura would be less likely to hurt you. With Ann you could get bruised on the angles."

It is best not to argue with a woman, Tucker says. "Most of the time you can beat a woman in an argument. But what do you win? Nothing. You get short-term pleasure followed by a lot of pain."

He also says, "I like women." To that, Liz Smith replies: "Well, good luck getting them to reciprocate your Neanderthal feeling, kid."

Geraldine Sealey

Geraldine Sealey is senior news editor at

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