The Fix

Paris accused of widespread "N-word" use; Martha peddles prison book; and Bill O'Reilly's (alleged) loofah/falafel sexual fantasies ... revealed!


Salon Staff
October 15, 2004 12:00AM (UTC)

Turn On:
If you thought that Richard Pryor was dead, you were wrong. And as proof, on Thursday night, Comedy Central offers "Richard Pryor: I Ain't Dead Yet" (10 p.m. ET), a special in which the 60-something comedian is saluted by Chris Rock, Margaret Cho, Dave Chappelle, Whoopi Goldberg and others. And if "Friday Night Lights" has sparked your interest in high-school football, you might want to check out "Go Tigers!" a 2001 documentary about an Ohio football team, on IFC at 8:30 p.m. ET.

Morning Briefing:
Factoring it all in: A 33-year-old associate producer who's worked for years on Fox's "O'Reilly Factor," Andrea Mackris, has accused host Bill O'Reilly of sexual harassment. O'Reilly has accused Mackris of trying to extort $60 million from him, calling her allegations "the single most evil thing I have ever experienced" and filing his own lawsuit. Fine, fine ... but in the interest of fair and balanced journalism, you really owe it to yourself to read Mackris' complaint, rife with detailed passages quoting O'Reilly engaging in unwelcome phone sex, boasting about his "big cock" and prowess in bed, discussing the merits of vibrators and threesomes, and even apparently bringing himself to climax mid-chat. Oh, and he ranted about Al Franken, too. Given the level of detail in the 22-page complaint (posted in its entirety on the Smoking Gun), it appears that Mackris, a Columbia J-School grad, probably either taped her conversations with her boss or took copious notes. (In a curious move, O'Reilly's lawyer has invited her to make her tapes public.) You'll want to read the whole thing, but here's a highlight, in which O'Reilly discusses a Caribbean vacation fantasy that includes genital contact with either a loofah mitt or a falafel, it's not clear which:

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"Well, if I took you down there then I'd want to take a shower with you right away, that would be the first thing I'd do ... yeah, we'd check into the room, and we would order up some room service and uh and you'd definitely get two wines into you as quickly as I could get into you I would get 'em into you ... maybe intravenously get those glasses of wine into you ...

"You would basically be in the shower and then I would come in and I'd join you and you would have your back to me and I would take that little loofa thing and kinda' soap up your back ... rub it all over you, get you to relax, hot water .... and um ... you know, you'd feel the tension drain out of you and uh you still would be with your back to me then I would kinda' put my arm -- it's one of those mitts those loofa mitts you know, so I got my hands in it ... and I would put it around front, kinda' rub your tummy a little bit with it, and then with my other hand I would start to massage your boobs, get your nipples really hard ... 'cuz I like that and you have really spectacular boobs ...

"So anyway I'd be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda' kissing your neck from behind ... and then I would take the other hand with the falafel (sic) thing and I'd put it on your pussy but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business ..."

Mackris contends she was "frightened and disturbed" by O'Reilly's unwelcome share session. As are we all ...

Martha makes lemonade: Talk is heating up that Martha Stewart, via her lawyers, is shopping around a book on serving prison time in style, a project she could work on during her five-month stint. Whether the book she's proposing is a "prison diary," or a how-to tome, or a full-on memoir is not yet clear, but one source told New York magazine that there's been a great deal of interest from within the publishing community and that Stewart will likely be able to entertain offers from the comfort of prison camp. "People will be happy to go see her in West Virginia. And why not? She's got a good story. The money is getting very high, but she could deliver it when she came out and have it out by the summer," said the source. Just how high is "very high"? Possibly more than $5 million. (New York magazine)

Paris is burned: Brandon Davis, oil heir and boyfriend of "O.C." star Mischa Barton, has stepped up to confirm to the world that his ex-friend Paris Hilton has not only used the N-word, as she was reportedly caught doing on a video currently making the tabloid rounds, but that she used it and other racist slurs regularly. "She was forever using the 'N-word.' I told her not to use it. It was offensive. But she just laughed. She is a racist, plus an idiot. Every black person she referred to was a 'n- - - - -,' " Davis tells the National Enquirer. "She uses the word all the time, and I've known her all of her life. It's 'n- - - - - this' and 'n- - - - - that.' She's a disgrace. She is a racist! She puts down Jews and other minorities, too. And I'm Jewish. I found it depressing ... I finally had enough of her attitude six months ago, and I finished with her. I don't want anything to do with her. I don't need anything from her. She is no longer my friend. She's just not a nice person." (National Enquirer via Page Six)

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Also: KRS-One rapper Kris Parker says he and his friends "cheered when 9/11 happened," contending that before the attacks, black people had been kept out of the World Trade Center "because of the way we talk and dress ... So when the planes hit the building, we were like, 'Mmmm -- justice'" (Rush and Molloy) ... Britney Spears wants to change her name to Britney Federline, but says "society probably won't allow" her to (Bunte magazine via Rush and Molloy) ... And President Bush's campaign staff is declining to comment on the wisdom behind their decision to play convicted pedophile Gary Glitter's song "Rock and Roll, Part 2" at campaign rallies (Lloyd Grove's Lowdown)

-- Amy Reiter

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