If you've flipped by Fox News in the last few weeks, by now you've no doubt heard about the liberal "War on Christmas." But now you can forget about politically correct, religiously neutral department store decorations -- because a Rhode Island man has pulled a Christmas stunt guaranteed to really get conservative Christians' britches in a twist.
It seems that when Joe Moretti, 38, of Cranston, ponders the birth of the Lord Jesus Christ, only one image comes to mind: a half-naked Paris Hilton. According to the Associated Press, in celebration of the coming holiday, Moretti has adorned his lawn with an array of oversize images of America's favorite skank, trimmed tastefully with pink lights. "In one, [Hilton] sports a tiny pink top hiding little of her chest, in another, she wears knee-high boots and a sultry pout," reports the AP. "Even Hilton's faithful Chihuahua, Tinkerbell, is celebrated in a colorful portrait."
Though some of his neighbors have decried the display, Moretti insists he means no harm. "If it's offending anyone, I apologize," he told reporters. "The intent is to...[take] a little bit of Hollywood or New York -- bring it to Cranston."
Ron Raffonelli tells AP reporters that he'd rather his young grandchildren associate Christmas with Santa, not scantily clad chicks, because, "after all, he's been around longer." (Strangely, Raffonelli doesn't mention Jesus, who this Broadsheetress feels compelled to add, is not exactly Mr. Modern either.)
Of course, Hilton has one distinct advantage over both of Christmas' bearded men: She may not have been around as long -- but she sure has gotten around more.