Scent of a ... vulva?

A new perfume promises to smell like the very essence of woman.

By Page Rockwell
March 10, 2006 4:15AM (UTC)
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From the "You Have to Be F-ing Kidding Me" Department (also known as Nerve's Scanner blog): A German perfumer is apparently hawking a fragrance called Vulva, which allegedly "beguiles the senses with the scent of a real vagina."

I guess I should have seen this coming: You can buy fragrances that claim to transfix potential sexual partners through the wily use of pheromones, so it was probably inevitable that someone would try to bottle the, er, scent of a woman. And it's kind of great to send the message that the vulva is acceptable and erotic as is, in spite of messages to the contrary from the douche industry. Plus, if the fragrance becomes successful, we'll have department store staff offering to spritz us with some Vulva. Har!


But there's something I can't figure out: Who needs this product? The Web site calls the fluid "the object of every man's desire," so it seems it's being marketed to people who want to have sex with men. (Quick warning for anyone who wants to visit said Web site: Unless you want to view many Euro-trashy photos of a nude woman with the Vulva perfume vial covering her actual vulva, you probably don't want to visit the Web site.) But if you're a woman, and you want to use the scent of a real vagina to entice a man ... you already have a real vagina!! You don't need to buy this! If you're a man who wants to become the object of every man's desire ... is the scent of a real vagina really going to attract the kind of guy you're looking for?

I guess Vulva might be of interest to people who would like to have relations with women but can't, like prisoners and awkward adolescents. But the idea of those people sending away for this fragrance is a little too sad and weird to contemplate.

And so another bizarre product searches for a market. Meanwhile, we can only hope the Germans are developing a companion fragrance (possibly named "Nut Sack"?). The Web site's translation is a little weird, but the FAQ gives us reason to hope:


"What about a flavour for women?
Of course! You will see, it will be the next revolution."

That sounds promising, doesn't it?

Page Rockwell

Page Rockwell is Salon's editorial project manager.

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