Who needs Samuel L. Jackson?

"Snakes on a Plane" -- the alternative versions, this week in Table Talk.

Salon Staff
May 19, 2006 2:24PM (UTC)


Snakes on a Plane

Sky Bluesky - 10:50 am Pacific Time - May 13, 2006 - #30 of 58

Well, that and the Gore documentary, which I think should be shown as a double feature, with an inconvenient truth about snakes on a mutherf--kin' plane!

Imagine Al Gore's stentorian tones: "The truth of the matter here is incontrovertible. There are snakes, and they are aboard this plane. We're not talking about one snake, or a small handful. There are lit'rally hundreds of snakes. Right here! Here on this very plane. This plane where you and I rest comfortably, has come under a very sudden and unforeseen attack by snakes."


I tried so hard to imagine Al saying MF, but can't quite do it.

vorpal_blade - 11:22 am Pacific Time - May 13, 2006 - #32 of 58

I wonder how W would say it...

"I am humbled to be able to share with you this ... well you see, uh ... In a world torn by violence and conflict, where the reptile can move at will, there is always the chance that ... You have to unnerstand, see, that the only way to protect ourselves from the snake is to work together to bring liberty and democracy to those who don't have the legs to bring it to themselves. I have the utmost confidence in those who support this aircraft, and that they have done everything in their power to obey the law in regards to this matter. And I stand by my appointment of my friend Skip Taylor to head the new Department of Reptile Ejection from Airplanes, and expect to see legislation that will give the Executive Office of the President the powers it needs to protect each and every one of you so that you will have safety in your homes and in your seats. Amen. And God bless the airline industry."

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