The Fix

Madonna seeks to clean up nuclear waste with "magic Kabbalah fluid." K-Fed "a joke"? Plus: Luke Wilson on butts!

Published August 22, 2006 1:30PM (EDT)

Morning Briefing:
Must've been something in the water: Madonna apparently has a plan to rid the world of nuclear waste -- one that involves the properties of Kabbalah water. As the Times of London writes, she and husband Guy Ritchie "have been lobbying the government and nuclear industry over a scheme to clean up radioactive waste with a supposedly magic Kabbalah fluid." The plan, just recently revealed, hinged on a "mystical" liquid that she says neutralized the radiation in a Ukrainian lake. Madonna's spokesperson points out to the Scoop that the lobbying effort happened a few years ago, but doesn't deny the account. (Times, the Scoop)

The hip-hop rap on K-Fed: The Associated Press is reporting that Kevin Federline's rap performance at Sunday's Teen Choice Awards show wasn't half bad, but the mainstream hip-hop community apparently wants nothing to do with Britney Spears' hubby. Elliot Wilson, editor in chief of XXL magazine, told the AP, "I just think we ignore him. He's a joke, basically." And King mag honcho Jermaine Hall said: "The thing that really hurts him is the fact that he's perceived as Britney's husband. You know, kinda like Britney's second -- I don't even want to say second in command, but -- he's like the Britney Boy. He's like Mrs. Spears, and it's kinda hard to get over that perception." (Perez Hilton, Associated Press)

The amazing race? Last season's "Survivor" separated contestants by age and sex, so perhaps the Internet rumors that the next season of the show will divide them along race lines aren't so far-fetched. The prevailing theory has it that there will be four teams of five people each -- each made up of whites, blacks, Hispanics or Asians. Page Six says the show's new twist will be announced Wednesday on CBS's "Early Show." (Page Six, Reality Blurred)

Teen stars 2.0: The Los Angeles Times has a look at the faces of the future: The younger siblings of the current crop of former teen stars, who are currently being voice-coached and focus-grouped into their own careers. Names to look for: Jamie Lynn Spears, 15; Emily Osment, 14; Hania Barton, 18; Solange Knowles, 20; and Ali Lohan, 12. (Los Angeles Times)

In case you missed it: It was in the New York Times' Sports section on Sunday, but David Foster Wallace's ode to Roger Federer is worth reading for any fan of either tennis or Wallace's work (and complete, of course, with numerous footnotes(1)): "Almost anyone who loves tennis and follows the men's tour on television has, over the last few years, had what might be termed Federer Moments. These are times, as you watch the young Swiss play, when the jaw drops and eyes protrude and sounds are made that bring spouses in from other rooms to see if you're O.K." (N.Y. Times)

"Primetime" coanchor Chris Cuomo is headed to "Good Morning America," where he'll start as the morning news anchor in September. (UPI via Monsters and Critics) ... MTV and Nickelodeon have been granted their very own film labels within Paramount. (Associated Press) ... The Weinstein Co. has picked up the documentary "Dixie Chicks: Shut Up and Sing" -- about the political fallout after Natalie Maines said, "Just so you know, we're ashamed the president of the United States is from Texas," during a 2003 concert -- and has tentatively scheduled it for release this fall. (Hollywood Reporter) ... Turner Broadcasting is going through its archive of over 1,500 old Hanna-Barbera cartoons -- including "Tom and Jerry," "The Flintstones" and "Scooby-Doo" -- and cutting out anything that appears to glamorize smoking after a complaint from a viewer in Britain about two "Tom and Jerry" scenes involving the cat and mouse smoking cigarettes. (MSNBC) ... More than 8,000 people showed up in Birmingham, Ala., on Monday to audition for the next round of "American Idol," just one of a nationwide series of tryouts planned. (Reuters)

Money Quote:
Paris Hilton plays the critic with her own album: "I, like, cry, when I listen to it, it's so good." (Blender via Associated Press)

Luke Wilson on the art and science behind choosing a butt double: "I found myself poring over the Polaroids and saying, 'I like that one but it doesn't have quite the pizzazz I want for this scene.' Or, 'This one's good, but it's too muscular.' I've got a little bit of damage back there. As you get a little older, you get little dents and indentations. You want to act cool about it when you eventually say, 'I like this guy's ass.'" (MaleFirst)

-- Scott Lamb

Turn On:
On "Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty" (Oxygen, 10 p.m. EDT), the newest B-lister turned reality host stages breakups for people who want out of their relationships, and "Work Out" (Bravo, 9 p.m. EDT) has its season ender. Also, HBO airs the second half of Spike Lee's "When the Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Acts" (9 p.m. EDT).

On the Talk Shows:
Larry King (CNN, 9 p.m. EDT): A discussion about John Mark Karr
Charlie Rose (PBS, check local listings): An hour on Charles Darwin (repeat)
David Letterman (CBS, 11:30 p.m. EDT): Chris Elliott, Rep. Nancy Pelosi, Razorlight
Jay Leno (NBC, 11:35 p.m. EDT): Dana Carvey, 8-year-old dental expert Nicholas Hearon, T.I. (repeat)
Conan O'Brien (NBC, 12:35 a.m. EDT): Alec Baldwin, Fred Goss, the Derek Trucks Band (repeat)
Craig Ferguson (CBS, 12:35 a.m. EDT): Fred Willard, Rachel Blanchard, Stephen J. Cannell
Jimmy Kimmel (ABC, 12:05 a.m. EDT): Hilary Duff, Ultimate Fighting Champion Chuck Lidell, Anti-Flag
Jon Stewart (Comedy Central, 11 p.m. EDT): William Cohen
Stephen Colbert (Comedy Central, 11:30 p.m. EDT): Paul Krugman

-- Lamar Clarkson

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(1) Which, come to think of it, are really annoying to read online.

By Salon Staff

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