In honor of April Fools' -- and the fools all year long -- Salon's reader community Table Talk offers the ultimate in troll posts.

Published April 6, 2007 10:22AM (EDT)

TT Central

The Trolls-only thread

nerdnam - 01:28 pm Pacific Time - Apr 1, 2007 - #1 of 9

I believe one person's troll is another person's Internet hero. That makes me a hero, not a zero!

I believe guns should be banned and that only aborted fetuses should be used for self defense. And then, nobody should have a abortion so then everybody should die! HAHAHAHA!

I want all liberals to die in screaming agony. And then afterwards I want to see if they left any good sex tapes. Leftovers in the fridge would be fine, too.

I think boomers SUCK. And so do their children. And their parents SUCK as well! And, most especially, so do all of their aborted fetuses!

I believe the chocolate Jesus is really white. Why? Because I know for a fact that chocolate bunnies are really white. And if you don't agree with me, I will point out that you are the reincarnation of Adolf Hitler. And a racist, I might add. Why? Because I said black and white first! That makes me Martin Luther King Jr over you, HAHAHAHA!

I believe that anyone with a body opening that I can put my penis in, such as a pore, is gay. And so will you please stop talking to me all the time about your disgusting throbbing sweaty glands, you dirty disgusting pore?

I believe that evolution is a Jewish conspiracy. We were so much better off as apes. And I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald took down the twin towers with one well aimed shot. Or maybe it was a lucky shot. Maybe JFK helped. Or maybe he was on the plane?? Or the planes??? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED ON 9/11????

I believe Dick Cheney is sane, pleasant, and polite. So fuck off, you big time major league a-hole, because we're winning in Iraq. In fact, we've ALREADY won and we pulled out last year. I could link to Newsmax to prove it, if I cared. But I don't care -- because now I only care about the war in Iran -- which we already won in the time I took to tell you about it! Bring on the parade!

I believe that everything I type should be in small caps, for maximum cuteness. However, I keep getting excited and then I forget to not capitalize my sentences. As you can probably tell, I'm pretty much always excited! Just that way, I guess.

I believe George Bush is a genius and if you don't see it, well, it's because YOUR STUPID.

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