Wood peckers

Guaranteed splinter-free!

Published May 15, 2007 9:55PM (EDT)

The best press release we've received all day. No, actually, all year.

Meet the "Jildo," a wooden dildo that's sweeping the nation. No? It's not? Well, it's sweeping the Salon editorial in boxes, anyway. In boxes. Get it? Ba-dum-bum!

Anyhoo, if you think "wooden dildo" sounds horrifying, you're so right. But don't worry. According to the product's Web site, the Jildo is "guaranteed safe," "guaranteed unique," guaranteed to "become more beautiful with time" and guaranteed to be "absolutely splinter proof." Phew!

Also, it looks just like a crazy penis rolling pin! So when you're done getting off, you can bake a pie crust. Perfect for Caitlin Flanagan!

By Rebecca Traister

Rebecca Traister writes for Salon. She is the author of "Big Girls Don't Cry: The Election that Changed Everything for American Women" (Free Press). Follow @rtraister on Twitter.

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