Remember that Black Flag song, "Who's Got the 10 1/2?" in which the band members introduce themselves by penis size? And the answer to the title turns out to be Kira, the bassist? Turns out Kira's 10 1/2 would still be "enjoyable" but not "ideal," according to the Authentic Women's Penis Size Preference Chart, now making the rounds on the Internet, which purports to tell all the guys out there what we ladies really need for vaginal satisfaction.
And what do we really want? Well, if this chart is to be believed, the shiny penis of bliss we see in our dreams has a circumference of 6.5 inches and a length between 7.25 and 8.25 inches. Apparently, we're cool with a penis up to 11 inches in length and 7.5 inches in circumference, which I would have definitely put in the very scientific-sounding category of "freaky combination of small and big." Come again?
Sadly, our alleged dream penis must stay in fantasyland, because it just doesn't exist in nature. According to this chart, most dicks have a circumference of between 4.5 and 5 inches; fewer than 1 percent make it to the 6.5 "ideal" and no one makes it to 7. As for length, most hit in the range of 5.75 to 6 inches. Fewer than 1 percent of guys have a penis over 7 inches long, and no one on this chart makes it to 9, much less 10 1/2.
Hey Kira, where did you get yours? Yeah, we thought so. Unless this chart is based on women who have sex with beasts or aliens, the only dicks of this size are made of silicone. That dude behind the chart isn't selling women's satisfaction -- my bet is he's totally shilling penis pills.