If roadies ran the ... ...

... ... worl ... d. Planes would not take off on ... time.

By King Kaufman
Published November 3, 2008 11:05PM (UTC)
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There's a TV commercial in fairly heavy rotation during sportscasts for a wireless company. It's one of a series asking the question "What if [members of some profession] ran the world?" The ads show these people using their wireless devices to be amazingly efficient.

This time, roadies are running an airline. In the ad, they say "dude" a lot and quickly run through their checklist. They get that plane ready to go! "Buckle up, dudes!" Within seconds, a roadie in the pilot seat says, "Lights, stage, let's rock!" and up goes the plane.

So. Ever been to a big rock show? If roadies ran the world, they might get that plane ready quickly. I don't know. I think it would take them most of a day but let's give them that. Then what would happen?

The passengers would have to sit there, with the plane apparently ready, wondering, "When is this thing going to get started?" for about 45 minutes. Every once in a while a roadie would appear, check that thing he'd already checked 12 times one more time, then disappear again. There would be no clue of any kind about when the plane would actually depart.

Now I realize roadies don't run that world I'm describing. But when I think "roadie," I don't exactly think of "on time and efficient." Do you? What's next: If baseball TV announcers taught college statistics?

King Kaufman

King Kaufman is a senior writer for Salon. You can e-mail him at king at salon dot com. Facebook / Twitter / Tumblr

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