Recently NPR brought us word of Mars' new candy bar, Fling, a new product so girlie it practically wears earrings and a feather boa. The packaging is hot pink. The Twix-style chocolate bar comes in 85-calorie "slender fingers." And the print ads urge you to "Pleasure yourself." To pleasure yourself with chocolate fingers. Jaysus, can't anybody just buy a Rabbit anymore?
You wouldn't think selling chocolate to women would be that hard, but Mars has been working double shifts to make sure we get the winking innuendo. "Naughty, but not that naughty" is the product's motto (see commercial below) -- because an 85-calorie trifle is a simple pleasure you can guiltlessly enjoy in the middle of a workday just like masturbation is a simple pleasure you can guiltlessly enjoy in the middle of a work … hmmm, well, they're similar anyway.
So far, the candy bar is only available in California, but Mars may take the campaign nationwide if it's successful enough. Dare to dream, ladies! When news of "Fling" hit Broadsheet offices, we immediately threw glitter and tampons in the air in celebration.
"I know I don't eat chocolate unless the packaging matches my laptop, so this is perfect for me," said Kate Harding.
Replied Mary Elizabeth Williams, "I wonder if it ever hooks up with Pepsi Max, the Diet Soda for MEN."
As a sidenote, masturbation is also the selling point for Belvedere's Black Raspberry Vodka, whose head-scratcher of a tagline is: "Are you old enough for maceration?" Hmm. Sunday Styles, we smell a trend piece coming on.