Just when we’d grudgingly resigned ourselves to Halloween’s transformation into International Dress Like a Fetish Porn Star Day, this year’s autumnal celebration is going the extra skank mile.
Thanks to spoiledrottendoggies.com, this year you can literally put lipstick on a pit bull. Why be alone in your foxiness? "Be sexy together with these adorable matching costumes for sexy ladies and their pups!" To that end, you can dress together as naughty rag dolls, raunchy pirates, horny French maids, wicked witches and, of course, hot-to-trot parochial girls. Because nothing says "this Pomeranian is here to hook up" like a bustier and miniskirt.
It’s yet another indication of how far we’ve come in expanding opportunities to females of any age or species that they can so easily deck themselves out like $5 prostitutes.
In bygone days, costumes were sadly limited to sexy nurse or sexy cat. Now a woman can be a "garden ho" or "Rosie palm reader" or "hot cherry pie." They’re clearly effective, because I feel dirty just knowing they exist. And now teens too can be "lovely Lolitas" or "hornet hotties" who get "all the boys … to roam around this sweet bee's honeycomb." Even tweens can be "sassy," crinoline-flaunting "honey bears" who "will give anyone a sweet tooth." Must be quite the liberating change of pace for young girls from all those cheerleader outfits and school uniforms.
With all that holiday role-playing going on, it’s inevitable that your pooch would be sitting up and begging to get in on the action. And as long as she can steer clear of the "sexy dog catcher," she's probably already as proficient as everybody else this Halloween in acting like a bitch in heat.