Will someone look at this picture of Sarah Silverman's shoes and reassure me that these Converse-heel-wedge-platform abominations are not currently forming an army of ugliness about to mount an assault on my city and my sidewalks like the belly shirts and neon one-armed dresses that have preceded them? Seeing this photo reminds me of the chill I got upon first seeing a boot without toes. Why? Why would you wear a boot without toes? Why would you wear a sneaker with a heel?
As Kristen Schaal, Silverman's comedy colleague and staunch opponent of everything high-heeled, once said of pumps for babies, "Whoever designed those doesn't have a sole and will burn in heel."
Rebecca Traister writes for Salon. She is the author of "Big Girls Don't Cry: The Election that Changed Everything for American Women" (Free Press). Follow @rtraister on Twitter.