Growing up, one of my best friends had an uncle who was in the infomercial business, and his home was a literal warehouse of "As Seen on TV" specials. So, to impress me with its pointlessness, a product has to be truly special. It has to seek to satisfy a need so unneeded, a laziness so lonely in its lethargy, or a hunger so base that no one has ever bothered to make something for it. It has to be for the truly, madly, deeply gullible.
And yet, inspired but a recent chance encounter with a personal collector of such things, a little bit of digging finds the food world rife with genius-level inanity, from the fork-cum-pizza-cutter to the Motorized Ice Cream Cone. Here, then, are a few of our favorites. And no, we don't own any of them. Yet.