OK, now that the Prince William has married Kate Middleton, he gets to be Duke of Cambridge? How does that work? A prince can be a duke? And a regular woman becomes a princess becomes a duchess? So confused! Oh wait, the wedding is over, I can stop pretending to be interested in the British caste system. Hurray! Here is everything else that happened this week that fell between "totally awful" and "adequate," but which we ignored completely:
1. At least one little girl is as over this royal wedding B.S. as we are: Grace Van Cutsem, or "the frowning flower girl," who we have on good authority is a terror, but fits right at home in memeville.
2. Finding out that Steve Carell could have played Harvey Milk in "Milk": Wow, America really dodged a bullet on that one. Or alternatively, missed a way better movie.
4. Scientists have found that hooking your brain up to a 9-volt battery and letting the surge wash through makes you smarter: Well, if it works for a 9-volt, anyone want to try a car battery? Genius!
5. Conan's "Thor" trailers: Simply incredible. So glad they finally managed to get this stuff from TBS to YouTube. Now, if you don't mind, I have to go watch "Thor."
6. January Jones is pregnant: Hopefully the baby will have its mother's looks and Jason Sudeikis' personality. Yes, I know he might not be the father. That's why I'm hoping.
7. Angelina from "Jersey Shore" is also pregnant: Well, maybe this kid will also have Jason Sudeikis' personality. Couldn't hurt.
8. The hats of the royal wedding: OK, there was one part of this whole pomp and circumstance that we found interesting.
9. Jerry Seinfeld and Donald Trump still going at each other: On the one hand, people need to stop responding to Trump. On the other, if anyone is going to do it, it might as well be someone as articulate and funny as Jerry.
10. Ooh, new trailer for "Transformers":
"Dark Side of the Moon?" Never thought of Decepticons as giant Pink Floyd fans, but I guess haven't put as much thought into this as Michael Bay.