All I want is love and babies!

All my friends are so ambitious, with their jobs and their internships. But I don\'t want that!

Published October 11, 2011 12:00AM (EDT)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           (<a href=''>Zach Trenholm</a>/Salon)
(Zach Trenholm/Salon)

Dear Reader,

Yesterday's column sucked!

As more than a few commenters have pointed out, it was basically dumb and useless! But let me explain!? Not that I'm making excuses. I'm human and make mistakes. Basically it sucked because I didn't finish it.

It looked done but it wasn't really done.

I meant to go back and work on it. I just forgot! Honest! It was Friday afternoon, and I moved on to some other tasks, and then worked all weekend on some other things, and then next thing you know I'm waking up Monday morning and my column sucks! Harsh but true! So thanks to the reader who pointed it out.

And especially, thanks to all the many commenters who have picked up the ball.

I'm a little bit of an airhead lately. I'm coming up on 10 years since my first column (Oct. 17, 2001), and it feels a little like the end of the school year. Maybe that's part of it. But, I know, no excuses.

I do my best but sometimes I make a mistake.

So, again: Apologies for a column that pretty much sucked! Now let's see if I can do a little better today. I mean, that should be easy. --ct

Dear Cary,

I really loved your response to the woman who was wondering if she wasn't cut out for her job. You pretty much told her that she's OK, it's the system that's messed up.

Well, I've had the inkling that this is how most people feel about their jobs since I was about 13, and have never had much ambition in that regard. I'm 24, and basically, all I want to do, the only goal in my life, is to fall in love. To find "the one." Travel the world together, do whatever we have to do to pay the bills, have babies. I have no career goals, all jobs I can think of seem like soul sucking ways of working for this artificial goal of money. Since college the only jobs I've had are nannying jobs, which I like all right because it pays pretty well, and all I do is hang out with kids or babies (who are really cute!) and keep them from dying. But it certainly isn't filling me with any ambition, or utilizing my intellect, or giving me any sort of drive to look forward to anything else.

I saved up my money last year and traveled by myself in South America, which was wonderful, and lonely, and wild. Now that I'm back, I am having daydreams about traveling again, but really, I just got back and started working again. I've never had a real relationship, I've been close, and I've had  lots of casual flings, but nothing real. I met a guy while I was traveling who I think could have been it, but I don't know if I will ever see him again. I have certainly put it out there that I would love for him to visit me in my city, and I feel like that's all I can do.

So my question is, what do I do in the meantime? Do you think it's bad to put all my hopes and desire into something that I really can't control? All I think about is this guy, and before that, it was another guy. My happiness gets all wrapped up in them. I just feel like as soon as I have the guy to love me just as much as I love him, I won't care about whatever my job is. As long as I can live somewhere nice, with someone I love? But until then, all I've got is the stupid job! Maybe it's the time in my life, I'm two years out of school, and when I go on Facebook, I see people going to grad school, working at internships, getting engaged. I'm just doing the same job I was doing after school when I was 14, and I still don't have a boyfriend!

Disillusioned Employee, Starry-Eyed Dreamer

Dear Disillusioned,


You sound like a refreshingly honest and feeling person. I feel more relaxed just reading your letter. It makes me wonder why I'm driving myself crazy with all my projects and ventures.

Really, we just want to be loved and have a good life. So why are we doing all these other crazy things? There's nothing wrong with you for just wanting what you want and being honest about it. As you go through life, there may be times when you will want things very badly, and you will work toward them. There may come a time when you begin to long deeply for some kind of fulfilling mission other than living a good live and being happy and raising kids and trying to be a good person and make the world a happy place. You might want to design a bridge or build a skyscraper or invent a new way of feeding dogs. Our culture rewards those who strive. You may find, at some point, the lack of rewards for following your heart begins to grate on you, and get an MBA or a Ph.D. or an MFA. But that could be years from now. I mean serious years -- like when you are in your 40s or 50s. Right now you want love and babies. That is just about the sweetest, most wonderful thing I've heard in months.

Just speaking from my heart, I find your letter so refreshing, so honest, it makes me feel better. So I hope you find a great guy whom you can travel the world with and make babies. Maybe he will be rich so you don't have to work at all. That would be excellent! What could be better than pursuing what will make you happy?

By Cary Tennis

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