The Krims show the world what healing looks like

Two months after their children were murdered, the couple reaches out to offer solace and inspiration to others

Topics: Facebook, Krim Family, Internet Culture, Marina Krim, Kevin Krim, nanny murder, Murder, grief, Death, social networking,

The Krims show the world what healing looks likeKevin Krim speaking at the Celebration of the Lives of Lulu & Leo Krim Memorial Service, Nov. 5, 2012

After losing two of their three children last October, allegedly at the hands of their nanny, Yoselyn Ortega, the Krim family would have been entirely justified in retreating from the public eye to bear their grief alone. Especially after suffering the subsequent indignity of being judged and criticized by an army of trolls for living on the Upper West Side and employing a Dominican nanny. But then, that’s not the kind of people Kevin and Marina Krim are. Instead, they’ve turned the worst thing imaginable in any parent’s life into an opportunity to honor the memories of their children, and to provide strength and inspiration to others. They’re showing the world what healing looks like. They’re demonstrating, in the words of their reverend, the most profound “emotional generosity.”

Just days after the October murders of 6-year-old Lucia and 2-year-old Leo, the Krims went into action, launching the Lulu & Leo Fund to “honor our children” by raising money for children’s arts and science programs. But the real work of the organization reaches far beyond fundraising.

In the Fund’s early days, the Krims were relatively quiet, posting images of their much-missed children and their exuberant artwork on their Facebook page. But in recent weeks, spurred perhaps by the passage of time and the loss of even more young lives at Sandy Hook Elementary, the Krims have been speaking out more. Just two days after the Newtown shooting, they wrote, “Our hearts especially go out to all the families who have lost their children in an act of unspeakable violence. As parents who are dealing with loss and grief, we understand how much these children will be missed every minute of every day.”

The Krims were adept communicators long before their tragedy. Kevin is an executive at CNBC. And Marina Krim, a part-time art teacher, had kept a blog of her parenting “Life With the Little Krim Kids,“  a journal that’s now all but unbearable to read today, with its innocent photos and posts about birthday parties and “precious hours” spent with family.

Now, instead of talking about pumpkin patches and playdates, Marina and her husband are writing of their new life. On Dec. 28, Kevin wished his surviving daughter, Nessie, a happy 4th birthday, saying, “She saves us every day.” And, along with a video of their music teacher performing the song “Daughter” at his children’s memorial, he added his belief that “Lulu and Leo are very happy to be inspiring and teaching people.” In the past week, the Krims have been even more communicative, sharing their adventures on a cross-country RV trip with friends from Los Angeles to New York. Saying that they “are hoping to experience some inspiring moments that will help us with our healing and rebuilding,” they’ve posted photos of a sunset, and a trip to an art gallery that “we are sure Lulu and Leo would have loved.”

The Krims have suffered an incalculable loss. The same parents who speak wistfully now of the weddings and 16thbirthdays they’d envisioned have to build a new life. That they’ve chosen to share some of that new life, that they’re able to give to others from a place of profound loss, is an extraordinary testament to their family, and an act of deepest tribute to their children. In the wake of fresher deaths like the ones at Newtown, it’s also a gift of compassion to others.

In a December post, Kevin shared a video of their friend Reverend Jon Kitto, speaking at the children’s memorial service. And he included Kitto’s reply to his question of “how someone with his faith would try to understand this horrific violence.” The answer that Kitto gave is the one that Kevin Krim — who’s suffered the cruelest, most unjust and inexplicable thing that could happen to any father — shares with the world. “The concept of a God that rights all wrongs and makes all things well is not one that I know,” Kitto wrote. “The concept of the God I know is one that lives within you and me. It is the capacity to feel love and give love … You must continue to love. You must continue to be loved. It is your love-bound obligation not to let your capacity for love wither, but to hold up what you gained and let the love that you have had flourish.” It’s the challenge that the Krims are meeting with grace and hope. And it’s proof of the enduring impact that two small lives can make in the world.

Mary Elizabeth Williams

Mary Elizabeth Williams is a staff writer for Salon and the author of "Gimme Shelter: My Three Years Searching for the American Dream." Follow her on Twitter: @embeedub.

Featured Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • 1 of 14
  • Close
  • Fullscreen
  • Thumbnails

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Hannah and Adam, "Pilot"

    One of our first exposures to uncomfortable “Girls” sex comes early, in the pilot episode, when Hannah and Adam “get feisty” (a phrase Hannah hates) on the couch. The pair is about to go at it doggy-style when Adam nearly inserts his penis in “the wrong hole,” and after Hannah corrects him, she awkwardly explains her lack of desire to have anal sex in too many words. “Hey, let’s play the quiet game,” Adam says, thrusting. And so the romance begins.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Marnie and Elijah, "It's About Time"

    In an act of “betrayal” that messes up each of their relationships with Hannah, Marnie and Elijah open Season 2 with some more couch sex, which is almost unbearable to watch. Elijah, who is trying to explore the “hetero side” of his bisexuality, can’t maintain his erection, and the entire affair ends in very uncomfortable silence.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Marnie and Charlie, "Vagina Panic"

    Poor Charlie. While he and Marnie have their fair share of uncomfortable sex over the course of their relationship, one of the saddest moments (aside from Marnie breaking up with him during intercourse) is when Marnie encourages him to penetrate her from behind so she doesn’t have to look at him. “This feels so good,” Charlie says. “We have to go slow.” Poor sucker.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Shoshanna and camp friend Matt, "Hannah's Diary"

    We’d be remiss not to mention Shoshanna’s effort to lose her virginity to an old camp friend, who tells her how “weird” it is that he “loves to eat pussy” moments before she admits she’s never “done it” before. At least it paves the way for the uncomfortable sex we later get to watch her have with Ray?

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Hannah and Adam, "Hard Being Easy"

    On the heels of trying (unsuccessfully) to determine the status of her early relationship with Adam, Hannah walks by her future boyfriend’s bedroom to find him masturbating alone, in one of the strangest scenes of the first season. As Adam jerks off and refuses to let Hannah participate beyond telling him how much she likes watching, we see some serious (and odd) character development ... which ends with Hannah taking a hundred-dollar bill from Adam’s wallet, for cab fare and pizza (as well as her services).

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Marnie and Booth Jonathan, "Bad Friend"

    Oh, Booth Jonathan -- the little man who “knows how to do things.” After he turns Marnie on enough to make her masturbate in the bathroom at the gallery where she works, Booth finally seals the deal in a mortifying and nearly painful to watch sex scene that tells us pretty much everything we need to know about how much Marnie is willing to fake it.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Tad and Loreen, "The Return"

    The only sex scene in the series not to feature one of the main characters, Hannah’s parents’ showertime anniversary celebration is easily one of the most cringe-worthy moments of the show’s first season. Even Hannah’s mother, Loreen, observes how embarrassing the situation is, which ends with her husband, Tad, slipping out of the shower and falling naked and unconscious on the bathroom floor.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Hannah and the pharmacist, "The Return"

    Tad and Loreen aren’t the only ones to get some during Hannah’s first season trip home to Michigan. The show’s protagonist finds herself in bed with a former high school classmate, who doesn’t exactly enjoy it when Hannah puts one of her fingers near his anus. “I’m tight like a baby, right?” Hannah asks at one point. Time to press pause.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Hannah and Adam, "Role-Play"

    While it’s not quite a full-on, all-out sex scene, Hannah and Adam’s attempt at role play in Season 3 is certainly an intimate encounter to behold (or not). Hannah dons a blond wig and gets a little too into her role, giving a melodramatic performance that ends with a passerby punching Adam in the face. So there’s that.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Shoshanna and Ray, "Together"

    As Shoshanna and Ray near the end of their relationship, we can see their sexual chemistry getting worse and worse. It’s no more evident than when Ray is penetrating a clothed and visibly horrified Shoshanna from behind, who ends the encounter by asking if her partner will just “get out of me.”

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Hannah and Frank, "Video Games"

    Hannah, Jessa’s 19-year-old stepbrother, a graveyard and too much chatting. Need we say more about how uncomfortable this sex is to watch?

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Marnie and Desi, "Iowa"

    Who gets her butt motorboated? Is this a real thing? Aside from the questionable logistics and reality of Marnie and Desi’s analingus scene, there’s also the awkward moment when Marnie confuses her partner’s declaration of love for licking her butthole with love for her. Oh, Marnie.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Hannah and Adam, "Vagina Panic"

    There is too much in this scene to dissect: fantasies of an 11-year-old girl with a Cabbage Patch lunchbox, excessive references to that little girl as a “slut” and Adam ripping off a condom to ejaculate on Hannah’s chest. No wonder it ends with Hannah saying she almost came.

  • Recent Slide Shows



Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username ( settings | log out )

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>