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These guys are happy because their little brains literally can't grasp the concept of global warming.
Alex Jones must be either getting lazy or think his readers are really dumb, because his grand theory about the Boston Marathon bombings is the sloppiest concocted narrative we’ve seen since that dog ate your homework.
Of course, Jones and his comrades at InfoWars thinks the brothers suspected in the bombing are innocent, citing such reliable sources as Twitter user “Trippin No L’ 4/20.”
The basic outline is the same as all of his projects: A globalist cabal working through the U.S. government staged a “false flag” operation that will be blamed on terrorists as pretext to take away guns and civil liberties and eventually tyranny. Eventually, they will depopulate the entire planet through massive genocides.
In the video, Jones calls the bombings “the biggest event” of his 18 years of broadcasting, so you would think he would bring his A game, but he really let us down with this one. There’s something you have to respect about a good conspiracy theory — Hollywood certainly does — and Jones is generally a master, but his latest work is so full of holes, internal inconsistencies and outrageous leaps in logic that only die-hard fans willing to suspend all disbelief will appreciate it. It’s really the Phantom Menace of the InfoWars franchise.
Here are just a few of the things a good continuity supervisor would catch:
Beyond this, let’s just step back for a moment and take a look at the overall concept. For a compelling narrative, you need a capable and scary villain, but these guys sound like the wet bandits of megalomaniacal cabals. They have the most powerful people in the world — including the media — in their camp, and they can’t even come up with a compelling coverup, let alone remember to take their baseball caps off?
And when exactly does the cabal cash in on all these false flags? If there were black helicopters, now seems like a pretty good time to deploy them. And maybe they shouldn’t have let that gun control bill die in the Senate this week, considering that gun control is a central part of their agenda.
And I’m having trouble getting into the heads of the globalists here — what’s the motivation? They’re already rich and powerful and can do pretty much whatever they want, so why bother going through all the trouble of depopulating the world? At their current rate of success, they’ll all be dead before they even have a chance to enjoy their handiwork. And why not stage more devastating attacks? Pretend to kidnap the president and demand Congress pass the “Repeal the Bill of Rights Act of 2013.” This is truly the most pathetic globalist conspiracy ever.
Any aspiring screenwriter in a hovel in West Hollywood worth his weight in bartending tips could come up with a more convincing plotline. Michael Bay is laughing at you somewhere. We expect more from you, Alex — you didn’t become the nation’s most trusted conspiracy theorist for nothing. Try harder next time.
And a word for Jones’ fans: You say you’re all about questioning authority and dismantling spoon-fed narratives, but you’d have to be more gullible than a Prole at the Ministry of Truth to believe this crap.
WAKE UP, PEOPLE! YOU ARE THE SHEEPLE AND ALEX JONES IS YOUR BIG BROTHER.
Alex Seitz-Wald is Salon's political reporter. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org, and follow him on Twitter @aseitzwald.More Alex Seitz-Wald.