Breaking: Not all gays are alike!

USA Today uncovers the shocking news that not all gay people will get married

By Mary Elizabeth Williams

Senior Writer

Published June 28, 2013 2:46PM (EDT)

Lisa Dazols and Jenny Chang celebrate outside the city hall in San Francisco, California, June 26, 2013.               (Reuters/Jed Jacobsohn)
Lisa Dazols and Jenny Chang celebrate outside the city hall in San Francisco, California, June 26, 2013. (Reuters/Jed Jacobsohn)

Every now and then, a news headline is so bottomlessly dumb -- and not even from HuffPo -- it makes us wonder if there's an editorial directive out there to State the Obvious. In the aftermath of a historic week for LGBT rights, we bring you this recent gem: A USA Today story that reveals "Not all gays and lesbians want to marry, research shows." You don't say!

USA Today isn't exactly a bastion of profound insight – it's best known as the newspaper you find outside your hotel room door in the morning. But it still deserves a very special shout-out for condescending, heterosplaining crap anyway. In the story, Sharon Jayson says that "Just because same-sex couples can legally marry doesn't mean they will" and that "marriage isn't for everyone." Whoa whoa whoa SLOW DOWN, USA Today. The Supreme Court didn't just make marriage mandatory for every homosexual in America? Jayson goes on to quote a University of Minnesota researcher who observes, "Some gays and lesbians clearly want to get married, but others are unsure or reject marriage for themselves." I feel a "The more you know" rainbow coming on here.

Jayson explains to USA Today readers that "There's a difference between wanting a right and taking the step." Why, that would mean that a person could be pro-choice without having an abortion … or even a uterus. That one could support immigration reform … and be a citizen. Or favor healthcare reform … and have insurance. Yes, it's true. Amazingly enough, it is possible to care about issues that do not directly impact one's own life and experience. It is also possible that within a vast population, individuals will think and act differently -- and you shouldn't need a newspaper to explain this to you. But if you do, there it is, readers: Not every single gay and lesbian person in America wants the same things. And gosh, when USA Today puts it that way, it makes LGBT Americans almost sound as normal and human as straight people.

By Mary Elizabeth Williams

Mary Elizabeth Williams is a senior writer for Salon and author of "A Series of Catastrophes & Miracles."

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