GOP's clowns escape, show up all over national TV!

Republicans might want to hide their wingnuts from America -- but Donald Trump and Steve King won't let it happen

By Jim Newell
Published August 12, 2013 12:30PM (EDT)
Donald Trump, Steve King, Louie Gohmert                                 (Reuters/Steve Marcus/AP/Carolyn Kaster/Reuters/Joshua Roberts)
Donald Trump, Steve King, Louie Gohmert (Reuters/Steve Marcus/AP/Carolyn Kaster/Reuters/Joshua Roberts)

OK, Republicans, let's put it all on the table and see what you've got. Now's your moment. It's August, of a Democratic president's fifth year in office. His poll numbers are slumping accordingly. Look at the old bum; guy's on vacation and can't even make a putt. He's waiting to be crushed. You've got one hot month worth of recess time to make it happen, to bring out the GOP "big dogs" and assume leadership of this country for the next couple of political cycles. It's your time. Whatcha got for us?

Ha ha ha, oh. This is it, huh? Let's look at the hot shot GOP politicians who appeared on this weekend's political television shows to give voice to the party's rebirth, new offensive, etc., etc.

• Rep. Louie Gohmert, the flat-out dumbest member of the congressional GOP. (At least based on the constant stream of dumb things he says at all times. Maybe he's "smart in real life.") Gohmert appeared on ABC's "This Week" to defend the dying congressional plan to commit political suicide, by defunding Obamacare through a budget showdown this fall. He referred to President Obama's suggestion that the GOP is trying to prevent 30 million people from getting healthcare coverage, by trying to block funding for the program that would give 30 million people healthcare coverage, as an "absolute, blatant lie." How's that? "Whether or not they have insurance under an exchange or not does not prevent people from getting healthcare." Everyone already gets healthcare now so it's fine, got it.

As for the Big Plan: "Gohmert said he supports efforts to shut down government unless Obamacare is defunded, saying there aren't enough votes for it now but there may be after August recess." Once the masses see Gohmert the logician on TV a few more times, see, they'll be all for suicide.

• Rep. Steve King, the current holder of the highly coveted most racist member of the congressional GOP title. King went on NBC's "Meet the Press" to discuss his well-publicized research in the field of dirty Mexicans' calves. He insisted that his math on the Mexican valedictorian-to-drug-mule ratio still checks out, because, well, he's seen some things in his time:

"My numbers have not been debunked," he said. "I said valedictorians compared to people who would be legalized under the act that are drug smugglers coming across the border. My characterization was exclusively to drug smugglers."

"What's their number?" King asked of those who have condemned his remarks. "How many valedictorians do they suggest? And I'll tell you, I've seen the drug smugglers."

After GOP consultant Ana Navarro -- who, like us, was wondering Jesus Christ why the shit is Steve King on "Meet the Press" -- told King to get "therapy for his melon fixation," King responded in perfect fashion by questioning her ability to understand the English language: "And if Ana understands the language, she should know that. I didn't insult her or other Republicans." You get-a what-a he say-ey, Ana?

• Donald Trump, an actual human-size cantaloupe, presumably snuck over the border inside one of those Mexicans' calves some years ago. Trump sat down for an interview on ABC's "This Week," where he expanded his quest for BIRF CERTIFICATES. After he "defended his previous accusation that President Obama may not actually have been born in the United States," he laid the groundwork for the 2016 campaign, saying that he'll never run against Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, who is a mysterious Canadian Hispanic ghost, of some sort, it's complicated.

During an interview for “This Week,” real estate mogul Donald Trump questioned whether Texas Sen. Ted Cruz would be eligible for the White House given his Canadian birth.

“If he was born in Canada, perhaps not.” Trump told ABC’s Jonathan Karl.

“I don’t know the circumstances.  I heard somebody told me he was born in Canada.  That’s really his thing,” he said.

"That's really his thing." See, he's respectful nowadays.

Trump was in Iowa to give a speech to conservatives at the Family Leadership Summit. Think about that sentence for a minute.

The GOP is back, baby.

Jim Newell

Jim Newell covers politics and media for Salon.

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Donald Trump Louie Gohmert Opening Shot Republicans Steve King Sunday Shows