Chuck Todd

Six reasons political junkies love September

Summer may be over, but for a political junkie, that means the fun's just getting started!


Alex Pareene
September 2, 2013 8:00PM (UTC)
[NOTE: I am writing this on a bus and there's no Internet so I can't find the urls for the totally hilarious animated gifs I was going to embed throughout this post, as a sort of humorous commentary on each of the items on the list, so for now I'm just going to describe the gifs I'm thinking of, and maybe you can try to find them yourself.]

Congress is back in session! Is recess over already? Time to get back to doing the people's work in every politics fanatic's favorite town, Washington, D.C. The session starts Sept. 9 and these guys and gals have a lot of work to do.

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[GIF: It's like this really boring office and everyone's working and then suddenly they all jump up and start dancing and the lights go like the lights in a disco and some really crazy characters in costumes, like pirates and a guy dressed like a bear, all run in, and at the bottom it says "HARLEM SHAKE" and it's blinking.]

Primary elections! New York's exciting, unpredictable mayoral race could be decided this month, when Democratic voters go to the polls in "The Big Apple." Who will win? Bill "Longcat" de Blasio? Christine "Rage Comic" Quinn? Or Bill "Anonymous" Thompson? Maybe the naked one? If no one gets 40 percent of the vote, good news, politics addicts: There's a run-off in October.

[GIF: OK there are four cats, and one of them is sort of small and orange and it's doing that thing where it's just whacking this other cat, which has those weird ears Japanese cats have, in the head, with its paw, like over and over again, and then the third cat walks up behind the cat that is hitting the second cat and smacks him and the first cat gets really surprised and does that thing where he jumps in the air really high. The fourth cat is sleeping.]

The Debt Ceiling! Are we gonna raise it? Will Obama get a big political "win" or will it be "epic fail" for the United States' creditworthiness?

[GIF: It's what's her name from "Game of Thrones," the Khaleesi, and she's saying "unleash my dragons" but then instead of dragons it "cuts" to these three corgis and they're all trying to climb one single stair and they can't because of their tiny, useless legs, and they keep falling over. Total fail!]

A Grand Bargain Don't give up, guys! I know the news on this front has been pretty grim lately, but with just a bit more compromise and leadership, the president could totally get this country on a responsible fiscal path.

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[GIF: The X-Men, from the '90s cartoon, doing the thing where Colossus throws Wolverine at a bad guy (a sentinel). The gif doesn't really specify this but the idea is Wolverine is the Republicans and Colossus is the president and the sentinel is the looming debt crisis. Or maybe Colossus is like all the politicians and Wolverine is responsible leadership and tough choices.]

War! "West Wing" fans know the only thing more entertaining than two men talking briskly is international intrigue. This September we're getting involved in the Syrian civil war!

[GIF: The Doctor (10th, duh!) saying, "I'm sorry I'm so sorry" (there are words so you know what he's saying) to a Dalek and then the Dalek blows up.]

2016 is just around the corner! The campaign never ends for those of us who enjoy the American political process as a sort of strange popular entertainment product. Who's up? Who's down? Who's winning early-autumn 2013?

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[GIF: Ryan Gosling being mauled by dogs.]


Alex Pareene

Alex Pareene writes about politics for Salon and is the author of "The Rude Guide to Mitt." Email him at apareene@salon.com and follow him on Twitter @pareene

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