10 bros who dominated the news

Because their dumb antics never cease to shock America

Published October 5, 2013 3:30PM (EDT)

When bros aren’t making headlines for serious offenses, like objectifying women, they are doing plenty of other dumb stuff, generally sans shirt, to attract attention. Just this week, America met Bro Witness Matthew Jacobs, who, while the rest of America was processing the tragedy that unfolded in Washington D.C., was hamming it up for reporters and becoming New Zealand’s No. 1 celebrity. Here are 10 other bros who made the news recently, just for being bros...because YOLO BROLO (sorry, sorry, sorry):

Horse mask-wearing Bro during Hurricane Sandy

Hurricane Sandy devastated much of the U.S.’s Northeastern coastline in 2012, but for one bro, it was an excuse to run through the streets shirtless, wearing a horse mask. The D.C. bro remains one of the cooler bros on this list, because how many people own a horse mask?

John Mayer

John Mayer is the phenomenon of icing in human form. The man whose penis is a white supremacist did another lame bro thing earlier this year when he killed a joke started by Prancersize creator Joanna Rohrback. Piggybacking on Rohrback’s Internet fame, Mayer's song essentially took Rohrback's original video and dubbed his own song over it, reportedly about Taylor Swift.

All the Men of New York City, Basically

If the New York Times is to be believed, Manhattan is crawling with shirtless dudes, making the Big Apple the world’s prime brocation destination. Witness Bro might have made the news in D.C., but no one would’ve batted an eye up in NYC.

Bro King Joe Francis

Joe Francis, who dates a Wilhelmina model and has created the “Girls Gone Wild” empire, is a king among bros. He’s had also had a long, sordid history with law enforcement, and after a jury recently found him guilty of assault and false imprisonment, he decided that they are all “retarded” and should be “euthanized.” (Francis later apologized.)

Bro-choice Bros

Bros are pro-choice because mo’ abortions equals mo’ sex, duh.

Bros Looking for Wedding Dates

Two bored bros became Internet famous after creating a Craigslist ad looking for moderately attractive dates (“You should be attractive or our aunts will judge you, but not TOO attractive or one of our uncles might grope you," they noted).

One of the bros told New York magazine that he tried to convince his dad he was gay “out of boredom”: "Out of boredom I tried to convince my dad at Christmas that I'd gone gay now because the lifestyle just suits me better. He was very confused and extremely unamused."

Congress Bro Paul Ryan and His Biceps

Triple-threat Paul Ryan, who is a congressman, Ayn Rand scholar and marathon runner, became the brotoype of success when he flaunted his biceps in a Time magazine spread. Unfortunately, his biceps were not impressive enough to win the GOP presidential race.

Ryan Lochte

Ryan Lochte got his own reality TV show because he’s a bro (also, an Olympian). But first and foremost -- a bro. Jeah.

Butt-chugging Bros

Drinking things through your mouth? That is so boring. You know what is cooler? Drinking through your butt (because BUTTS! Haha, butts are funny). After a member of University of Tennessee’s Pi Kappa Alpha chapter was hospitalized for alcohol poisoning, the bros were accused of using an “alcohol enema” and the University responded by cracking down on Greek life.

By Prachi Gupta

Prachi Gupta is an Assistant News Editor for Salon, focusing on pop culture. Follow her on Twitter at @prachigu or email her at pgupta@salon.com.

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Bros Dc Dudebro John Mayer New York City Ryan Lochte Video Yolo