In her latest syndicated column right-wing troll and pundit Ann Coulter rails against the growing popularity of soccer in the U.S., which she blames on a pro-soccer liberal media and America's millions of immigrants.
"Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation's moral decay," Coulter writes before listing all of the reasons why she thinks soccer sucks.
Among these reasons are:
- "Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer ... There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child's fragile self-esteem is bruised."
- "Liberal moms like soccer because it's a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys."
- "No other 'sport' ends in as many scoreless ties as soccer."
- "The prospect of either personal humiliation or major injury is required to count as a sport" and soccer doesn't have it.
- "You can't use your hands in soccer," a fact that, Coulter believes, goes against "[w]hat sets man apart from the lesser beasts," i.e., "we have opposable thumbs."
- "The same people trying to push soccer on Americans are the ones demanding that we love HBO's 'Girls,' light-rail, Beyonce and Hillary Clinton."
- "It's foreign."
After this comprehensive list (and, believe it or not, there's more than what we excerpted above), Coulter finally gets to the heart of the matter, which is that soccer is bad because it reminds her of non-white, non-native and non-conservative human beings, who are just the worst.
"If more 'Americans' are watching soccer today, it's only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy's 1965 immigration law," Coulter writes. "I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer," she continues. "One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time."