What I learned from dating someone in an open marriage

I ended up choosing monogamy, but my time on the poly fringes gave me a healthy new perspective on love and sex

By Nicola Jane
Published July 28, 2014 12:00AM (EDT)
   (<a href='http://www.shutterstock.com/gallery-327382p1.html'>discpicture</a> via <a href='http://www.shutterstock.com/'>Shutterstock</a>)
(discpicture via Shutterstock)

"When they leave me, it's usually for The One," my lover, Charles, said. I was gushing about the new man in my life, and Charles was adjusting admirably to the news. But then, he had to. That's the deal for a man in a polyamorous, open marriage who dates multiple partners.

It came as no surprise to me, either, that I met The One while I was involved with Charles. Despite the doom-mongering from friends and family about dating a married man, I knew I was more open to falling in love than I had ever been. I can't count the number of times I heard "You're wasting your time" or "You'll never meet anyone else." But buoyed by the confidence and happiness that comes from a healthy relationship, I was more able to recognize and accept the right guy when he came along. And my experiences on the periphery of non-monogamy taught me a lot about relationships, lessons I'm applying in my new, monogamous relationship.

1. You will be attracted to people outside...

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Nicola Jane

Nicola Jane is the author of "Follow Your Fantasy," and its sequel "Follow Your Fantasy: Deeper" choose-your-own-adventure-style erotica. She writes about sex, and dating, blogs at www.nicolajane.org  and tweets from @NicolaJaneWrites.

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