Happy Halloween: Actual PhDs respond to Amazon's "women's sexy PhD" costume and it is a treat

"Though I have a PhD and a successful career as an academic, what really matters is how hot I look in my regalia"

Published October 31, 2014 7:39PM (EDT)

  (Amazon/Screen montage by Salon)
(Amazon/Screen montage by Salon)

Everyone, you can change your Halloween plans tonight because there is no longer any need to go trick-or-treating. The lady PhDs have done it. They have given us the most delectable Hallows' Eve treat.

Evidently wanting to jump on the sellers-of-grossly-inappropriate-and-offensively-marketed-Halloween-costumes train, Amazon is selling a very special -- and very realistic -- getup, inspired by the female academics of the world. The Delicious "Women's PhD Sexy Darling" costume includes a light blue, t-shirt-length polyester "gown" and matching mortarboard, despite the fact that PhDs wear tams for graduation. (But what do I know?! I'm just a normal lady who doesn't have a PhD.) According to the description, the "micro mini graduation robe" also features a front zipper and comes with a carefully coordinated gold sash (oh, and don't forget the diploma). It is, truly, delicious.

But not as delicious as the comments! A number of "lady PhDs" had thoughts about the costume, because, typically, when one pursues an advanced degree, she tends to have a lot of thoughts and be pretty good at thinking them. (But that doesn't matter when she looks so good in that regalia, am I right?) Overwhelmingly, the lady PhDs were very, very grateful for their special new outfits:

"First things first, I am a lady Ph.D. Like all lady Ph.D's, I frequently ask myself: 'How could I be sexier?' Delicious costumes has come to my rescue! I can now lecture in my 5 inch gold spiked heels and 'barely there' regalia while giving nary a thought to the male gaze and it's implications on the prevalence of rape culture in our society. I fully expect my chili pepper rating on RMP to go through the roof once I begin to greet my students in this costume. Hopefully I can keep my post structural hegemony's from engaging in some wardrobe malfunctions. Then again, who cares? I'm sexy! Forget about the 7 years I spent sweating out a dissertation and engaging in innovative research! SEXY!!!!"

"I spent 6 years working hard to get my PhD, which was extra hard because I am a lady, and it hurt my ovaries to think so much. After obtaining this advanced degree, the only position I could secure, like the majority in my field, was an adjunct position teaching for less than $2000 a course. Then I got this LadyPhD regalia and my life immediately changed! My department, full of esteemed and very prestigious senior male tenured faculty, saw me walking in the hall, invited me into the department meeting, and right there on the spot, immediately voted to make me a TENURED FULL PROFESSOR. Sadly, the next morning, I found out it was NOT a faculty meeting that I had wandered into, just professors having an office cocktail party and I was not tenured after all. I WANT MY MONEY BACK. I have student loans to pay off!!!"

"I was holding out till tenure to buy my own regalia, but now that this costume has arrived, why wait? I am totally wearing that to graduation. After all my years of hard work, I am old enough to date the students' dads. What better way to advertise both my accomplishments and my ass?"

"Thank you, thank you, Amazon! I'm another Lady PhD who was worried that my years of tireless devotion to the advancement of knowledge meant that I'd never do anything important or valuable with my life -- like attract a man. After two days of slinking around campus in my "Delicious" new regalia, I can say with confidence that men of all ages and positions in the patriarchy -- from panting freshmen boys to bleary-eyed professors emeriti -- see me in a brand new light. And my giggling girlfriends in the faculty lounge agree: this makes my scholarship on feminist hermeneutics in digital humanities and information science look HOT."

"When I left my nursing job for graduate school, I was so distressed. I mean what was I going to wear? There were plenty of sexy nurse costumes that I could wear to honor my accomplishments in that profession, but after I attained my PhD there was something missing. I was better educated, but not sexy. Until now. Thank you, Delicious Costumes, for filling the void. You've given women like me who have worked our asses off earning our degrees a way to show our asses off, too. Keep it classy, Amazon."

Get it? Classy? Those lady PhDs are so sexy smart.

By Jenny Kutner

MORE FROM Jenny Kutner