10 t-shirts for gun nuts that will make you laugh-sob for humanity

Some are funny, others offensive and still others just plain stupid. All are depressing in their own special way


Harmon Leon
November 4, 2014 9:35PM (UTC)
This article originally appeared on AlterNet.

AlterNet Gun-themed T-shirts make for some of the best comic material in the world. And online retail sites, such as Patriot Depot, not only sell “funny” gun T-shirts, they also provide an explanation on why the particular T-shirt is “funny”—in case the humor isn't self evident. I recently took a trip through the online retail world, and came away with these 10 contestants for funny-crazy.

1) Two Things Every American Should Know How To Use. Neither Of Which Are Taught in Schools

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"Two Things Every American Should Know How to Use...Neither of Which Are Taught in Schools"
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Harmon Leon
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THE DESCRIPTION: “There is a war going on in our schools to reeducate our children on two things that are so vitally important to the American way of life. The Bible and guns. How far are they going to go before we take a stand and move to protect our freedoms and liberties? Put a stop to Obama and the rest of the Left and encourage everyone else to do the same! Order your 'Two Things Every American Should Know How to Use' t-shirt today!”

MY TAKE: Yes, those schools are too busy teaching us stupid lies—like how dinosaurs weren’t the playmates of our ancestors. Stupid schools. I'll give anyone a crisp $20 bill if they send me a photo of themselves wearing this T-shirt in public.

2) Smile And Wait For The Flash

 

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"Smile and Wait for the Flash"
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Harmon Leon
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THE DESCRIPTION: “A humorous Second Amendment twist on ‘Smile, wait for flash’ phrase commonly used when taking photos.  A great way to bring a smile to people's face, or to warn criminals what's waiting for them if they mess with you.”

MY TAKE:Yes, a humorous way to warn criminals what’s waiting for them if they mess with you—or anyone else for that matter; because, after all, you are the one pointing a gun at someone’s face.

3)When Guns Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws And Governments Will Have Guns

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"When Guns Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws and Governments Will Have Guns."
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Harmon Leon
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THE DESCRIPTION: “This shirt will make people stop and think.  Maybe a light switch will come on and they'll see the real reason for gun control.”

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MY TAKE:Ah, so this T-shirt is really an insightful learning tool. If they could somehow work Hitler into it, it would be the Holy Trinity of stupidity.

4) Due To The Price Increase of Ammo Do Not Expect A Warning Shot

 

"Due To The Price Increase of Ammo Do Not Expect A Warning Shot"
Photo Credit:
Harmon Leon
Click to enlarge.
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THE DESCRIPTION: “We have created this T-shirt that you can wear to alert potential threats that you will not be giving them the traditional courtesy of a warning shot.”

MY TAKE: Yes, this was the exact T-shirt George Zimmerman should have worn while on citizen patrol.

5) Guns Don’t Kill People/Dads With Pretty Daughters Kill People

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"Guns Don’t Kill People/Dads With Pretty Daughters Kill People"
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Harmon Leon
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THE DESCRIPTION:(It simply restates what’s printing on the T-shirt)

MY TAKE: How can so much wrong be on one T-shirt? So, not only does this T-shirt condone shooting people, but there is also a slight incestuous angle to it.

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6) Pro-Life, Pro-God, Pro-Gun

 

"Pro-Life, Pro-God, Pro-Gun"
Photo Credit:
Harmon Leon
Click to enlarge.

THE DESCRIPTION: “There are three defining ideas that have shaped our country and will continue to forge our future. If these principles aren't held in high esteem and taught to the next generation, we will surely see America as we once knew it, gone forever.”

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MY TAKE: This pretty much is a voting block market research project all in itself.

7)If More Sane People Were Armed, The Crazy People Would Get Off Fewer Shots.Support The 2nd Amendment.

 

"If More Sane People Were Armed, The Crazy People Would Get Off Fewer Shots.
Support The 2nd Amendment."
Photo Credit:
Harmon Leon
Click to enlarge.
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THE DESCRIPTION: “Aurora, Fort Hood, Columbine, Virginia Tech—what do all these have in common? A crazy person with a gun . . . in a gun-free zone. But no amount of prohibition legislation or "gun-free" rules will ever keep guns out of the hands of criminals—and yes, even in 'gun-free' zones.

And how could they? After all, criminals are not criminals because they obey the law.

But liberals never seem to get this.”

MY TAKE:Aaaaargh! Yes, let your chemise tell their world that the only way to stop mass shootings is to have everyone carry a gun. No margin of error could happen then. Now, excuse, I have to read this T-shirt again before gouging my eye out with a spoon.

8) It’s Better To Be Judged By 12 Than Carried By 6

 

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"It’s Better To Be Judged By 12 Than Carried By 6"
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Harmon Leon
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THE DESCRIPTION: “Having to defend yourself in court because a criminal that you shot in self-defense is suing you is bad. But even worse is having your friends and family attend your funeral because you weren't able to shoot the criminal that was putting you in danger.”

MY TAKE: Sure, but what if you’re judged by 12, found guilty and given the death penalty? Wouldn’t the scenario then be: ‘Judged by 12 and then carried by 6’?

9) The Average Response Time 911 Call: 23 Minutes.  The Response Time Of A .357: 1400 Feet Per Second

 

"The Average Response Time 911 Call: 23 Minutes.  The Response Time Of A .357: 1400 Feet Per Second"
Photo Credit:
Harmon Leon
Click to enlarge.

THE DESCRIPTION: “Most crimes have already been committed by the time law enforcement arrives. For life-threatening emergencies, you need something that can be brought into force immediately.  And a .357 fills that need very effectively.”

MY TAKE: And for those situations that turn out to be non-life threatening, all you can really say is “Whoops!”

10) This Is My Peace Symbol

 

"This is My Peace Symbol"
Photo Credit:
Harmon Leon
Click to enlarge.

THE DESCRIPTION:It simply restates the name of the T-shirt.

MY TAKE:If you take peace symbols away from good guys only bad guys will have peace symbols.


Harmon Leon

Harmon Leon has written for Details, Gear, Maxim, POV and the London Guardian. He has written for and appeared on the BBC, and performed comedy at the Edinburgh Festival, the Adelaide and Melbourne Festival. He has also performed in England, Ireland, Holland, Denmark and New Zealand.

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