"Eat a bag of dicks" is, I think, one of the more vulgar directives one can hurl at another person. It is also one of my favorites, and one that I find to be grossly underutilized -- and it seems that a guy known by the alias "Dick Richards" agrees with me, because he just started an online service that makes the insult a little bit sweeter.
The website is called Dicks By Mail, and its primary purpose is to let people ship bags of gummy penises to their enemies. Like Ship Your Enemies Glitter, but with dicks. Richards outlined his vision for the service on the site, where he also notes that this is a prank (just in case that wasn't already clear):
We have a long history of sending dicks to people. Starting in middle school with those folded notes, that unfold to a big veiny cock. Moving to texting '8===D' to random people in high school all the way to snapchatting below the belt pics to ladies from the bar/church. But now it's on to bigger and better things; now it's on to Dicks by Mail. [...]
This site was created to put a smile on peoples faces [sic]. It's not meant to be a threat or a way to bully. If you are sending this with the intent to ruin someones day [sic], then maybe its you who needs to eat a bag of dicks [sic]
The whole package costs $15 (including shipping) and includes a 5-oz. bag of candy phalluses along with a single note that reads, "EAT A BAG OF DICKS." Several recipients have already posted images of their bags of dicks online, and according to Richards, a number of people have placed orders to send to their mothers.
The Dicks By Mail founder, who described himself as a "29-year-old, (good looking and single) bartender in Canada" in an interview with BuzzFeed, explained how he came up with the idea for the service, and said that business is already doing surprisingly well:
Honestly, I was drunk and a few friends joked about it. I was still a bit drunk the next day and sat down to create the site. Finding high quality dicks and the proper domain was top priority and screwed up my search history for a long time to come. [...]
Due to the response from one of the recipients (a post on imgur) has stemmed a few thousand orders in just a few days. To give you a bit of an idea of the orders, during this interview (10 minutes) I’ve had 13 more orders.
If you are, indeed, interested in sending a bag of dicks to anyone, anywhere (in Canada and the U.S. at the moment, but likely Europe, Asia and Australia by the end of the week), Richards recommends sending the package to the person's office, for maximum mortification.
Welcome to the Internet, everyone. Enjoy your bags of dicks.