On Monday, renowned physicist Stephen Hawking gave his first Australian speech at Sydney's Opera House via hologram from his office at the University of Cambridge. And he did not have an overly positive message for the continent down under.
"We must continue to go into space for the future of humanity," he said. "I don't think we will survive another 1,000 years without escaping beyond our fragile planet."
"I want to share my excitement and enthusiasm about this quest, so remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet," he continued.
After his planned remarks, one audience member asked about the cosmological effect of Zayn Malik leaving boy band One Direction, proving that humanity really is buying time that it solidly does not deserve.
"Finally, a question about something important," he responded. "My advice to any heartbroken young girl is to pay attention to the study of theoretical physics because one day, there may well be proof of multiple universes... It would not be beyond the realms of possibility that somewhere outside of our own universe lies another, different universe. And, in that universe, Zayn is still in One Direction."
Perhaps the final nail in the coffin of humanity comes in the form of the media coverage of this event. A very small handful of articles led with Hawking's warning that we are not long for this Earth. An avalanche of stories, however, celebrated that the physicist had finally weighed in on Malik's decision to leave the boy band.
GET A GRIP, PEOPLE. DEATH IS EVERYWHERE.